Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Success! ...and Stress

To follow up on my last post, I have been pretty good about not "cracking" my right wrist for the past month.  I caught myself on a few occasions, but I think the month has mostly allowed me to break the habit. I still need to pay attention to maintain and not slip back into old habits because it seems to have made a difference in the lightning nerve pains I'd been having in my right forearm.  I cannot recall having any episodes in my right forearm during the past month.

This little experiment is by no means conclusive with regard to a cause and effect.  I realize one month is not a large enough sample time to conclude the not cracking (much) prevents nerve pain, since the episodes can be very infrequent for any number of reasons.  However, it's enough incentive for me to keep trying to not crack and keep watching for other correlations.  Besides, who wouldn't prefer to having some sort of control over these wacky symptoms to just taking whatever luck provides?

That said, I know that my neck, back, shoulders, ankles, and knees all still crack, even if I try not to.  I'll still be as good as I can be about avoiding it if I can.  (Sometimes it hurts if I don't crack my back or neck.)

In other news, my work life has become unbelievably stressful in the past month.  I know it's serious because I'm having asthma attacks at work in addition to all the unpleasantness.  I'm on the brink of breaking down mentally from the pressures put upon me.  I almost had a nervous breakdown during my lunchtime yoga session today!  I would have thought yoga would help, but failing at all the demanding poses just added to my frustrations.  I kept it together by realizing I couldn't easily justify a breakdown to my classmates.  "It's just yoga!" I imagined they'd say.  And they're right.  Yoga, of all things, should not contribute to my stress, and it most certainly should not be allowed to be the straw that broke Benia's back!  After pondering the ridiculousness of it all, I managed to get through it and deal.  I knew I'd be better as soon as I'd gotten through it all and feel the accomplishment.  I did notice a lot of muscle tension and cramping today, though.  Probably due to the work stresses.

I know it's not right to let it affect me like this, but somehow I've gotten myself stuck in a terrible situation where I'm juggling several high-priority projects all at once and the rest of my team is doing the same.  Personally, I think my boss has lost his marbles about what is physically possible, but how does one go about addressing this with the person who controls one's income and other important things?  On paper, yeah - you go to your stressful person and say, hey, please lay off on the stressful stuff please.  In reality, there's a lot of apprehension about doing that, worry about doing it wrong, worry about consequences that affect not only myself but others.  Ugh...  I will have better days.  I just have to believe in that.

I'm doing what I can with what I've got for now.  Hopefully I'll live to post another day...