My Life at Forty

Ahh, life.  What is life?  It's consciousness, the ability to use energy and do things.  It's about choices as well as things that just kinda happen.  Some of my experiences are the results of my choices or the choices of others.  Some things also just happen.  Sometimes it's fun and happy; other times, not so much.

I turned 40 earlier this month.  I never used to care about age or understand why some people lie about their age.  "It's just a number," I would say to people.  30 was no big deal.  I felt fine with being a thirty-year-old.  It was just another birthday, though I do remember having a small party to celebrate it.  I suppose it was an excuse to to have a celebration and enjoy some pizza and cake with people.  Oh, and drinks.  Many, many drinks.  It was a good time.  I eased into adulthood, perhaps happy to leave the immature twenties behind.

In the weeks leading up to my 40th birthday, however, I kind of felt something new.  I kind of kept reflecting upon my age, my health, my death.  Will I live another 40 years?  Is this really the middle of my life?  The past forty years seem to have been short - will the next forty also feel short, or even shorter? 

I'm still not much for lying about age or denying it to myself.  I am facing these thoughts, mostly out loud to my husband, who turned 40 last year.  It's weird how I never anticipated this birthday being much more than some random milestone assigned by society.  I'm starting to get what those "Over the Hill" birthday party favors and gag gifts are about.  It's a way for everyone to acknowledge these feelings, but tempered with some humor.  I suppose celebrating birthdays with people both older and younger than yourself is really the right way to do it.  The older folks have gone through it already themselves, and survived!  That's encouraging.  The younger folks remind me of my younger days, not expecting to know what reaching older ages is like, both physically and mentally. 

Now that I've been "wearing" 40 for a few weeks, it seems to be less scary.  I still have to face the facts that I am now in a new age group.  Mammograms, colonoscopies, and bifocals are surely lining up for me in the near future.  I've had a few mammograms already - and yeah, OUCH - they are not fun.  But assuming the results keep coming back negative for any abnormalities, I'm okay with that. 

I came close to getting a colonoscopy back when my IBS was flaring up over several months, but as luck would have it, my awesome GI gave me a new medication that actually worked and we canceled the exam.  I am also aware of the process, as my husband has had several colonoscopies, due to his Crohn's disease.  It's not fun, lasts longer than a mammogram, and is pretty inconvenient, too.  Still, I can get through that.  I also have had an endoscopy done, if that counts for anything.

As for bifocals, I'm already nearsighted since high school, and usually opt for contact lenses to correct my distance vision.  Since that car accident in 2006, though, my vision has changed in several ways, and continues to change rather frequently.  I already notice my very near vision has become blurry, making reading fine print challenging.  Again, though, perhaps a prescription change is not so terrible.  I've been managing corrective lenses thus far.  I can probably handle that.  I guess.

So, these are not so scary.  Aging gracefully may still be an option for me.  Many folks make it to 80 and 90 in relatively good health.  With lifelong conditions like Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial Pain, and Asthma, I understand I have additional challenges, but I also understand that being as fit as I can be is the key to empowering me with the best health I can achieve.  I know that eating healthy and staying active goes a long way toward preserving good health, so I will strive to do those things.

Some other recent events have also caused me to reflect on my age and mortality. 

Near the end of the workday on my 40th birthday, my husband suffered a severe kidney stone attack.  The stone was 6.5mm across and was stuck very near the left kidney.  I'll spare you the details, but life was miserable for him for several weeks thanks to this surprise.  We had to cancel my birthday party, and he felt bad about that, but I wanted him to feel better and stay close to home in case of any complications.  He's passed some of it and is feeling much better now, finally.

I also recently learned that my mother-in-law had suffered a stroke.  This was not her first, but it seems more serious that the one she had before I met her.  Although she was told that one side of her body will not recover this time, I am hoping that she can beat the odds and regain some function and sensation that was lost.  Thank goodness it was not her dominant side and she can still do some things.  I'm also glad that she can talk and remember us all. 

As we approach the year 2013, I have listed a few new resolutions (which I never used to do until 2012) that take into consideration my age, my health, my family, and my wants and needs.  I wish to be more responsible with my own health, as an investment of my old age as well as to help relieve others of the need to worry about me.  This includes considering making decisions and arrangements for what will happen to my remains when I die.  I feel it's the responsible thing to do. 

When life manages to give me warnings, I strive to make the most of it, whether it's through me or others, and learn something from it.  I won't live my life sheltered, but I will not live recklessly if I can help it.

Take care and do pay attention to your own body and look for the warning signs that could help keep you healthy and young at heart.  I hope the next year brings you closer to your personal goals and opens your eyes to wonderful opportunities! 

That Last Straw

Have you ever just had a terrible day when one thing after the next just went wrong?  Maybe it was more than a day.  I've been dealing with some bad news and stressful things happening and they culminated into a moment that, unfortunately, resulted in a mini nervous breakdown, because of that last straw that broke Benia's back. 

Singly, my stressful things weren't that unbearable.  They're no fun, but I can handle them alone.  It's when they all decide to happen together and overlap into an overwhelming mess of crap that I have trouble. 

For example, work-related stress over deadlines, earnings, etc. are also typical of most employed people.  My surprisingly high blood pressure is one more diagnosis for me to deal with.  Major household appliances expiring and requiring immediate action for replacement happen.  Then a loved one's health problems creeping in with a flare-up of unknown severity.  My car's check engine light decided to get in on the action.  Then a health insurance change with serious financial implications was suddenly forced upon us with little time to plan and research.  My asthma was feeling the stress and making sure I noticed it, no matter how much I fought it. 

Then I got a phone message from my parents - people who love me and miss me but have no idea how much strength I muster on any given day, just to get by and pretend I'm normal.  There is also a language barrier, as they are immigrants and I am American-born.  Our conversations are limited to what we can successfully express in the others' comfortable language.  I called back and just mention my having a bad day and before I know it, I'm getting lectured on how I can't possibly have anything to stress over because I have no kids.  THAT was the last straw. 

I could not handle one more thing and yet there it was.  I broke.  It was extremely unfortunate that I broke down while on that call, because without being able to explain that life just took a shit on me recently, I ended up not making any sense at all and ended up seeming secretive.  Who wants to list all their problems to people who immediately judge and compare them to their own standards?  I am not secretive or dishonest.  I just did not have a good way to convey my bad day and explain my emotional fragility.

THEN, THAT phone call added yet another unnecessary straw to my load.  Since then, I've been accused of keeping secrets and lying to cover up some problem that would be catastrophic.  My own parents had two days to speculate the very worst since my breakdown.  Today they made an excuse to come see me so they could find out more.  UGH, I did this so wrong!  They came and we talked.  Their accusations were not helping me.  I did my best to explain that I just had a bad string of luck but that I'm okay.  Nobody is getting a divorce or fighting or dying or whatever other awful things they imagined.  I also told them that I know that they are trying to help and that I appreciate it, but I just cannot take it right now.  They mean well, but the advice I get from them is just SO unhelpful!  If they only realized how much they are just making things worse with their loving help.  Knowing that they cannot understand and that they meant well is all that kept me from losing my mind all over again. 

I need a break, I tried to explain.  I think they got it, but they are far too generous with their advice about every last thing they think I need help with.  They cannot help me.  They make assumptions that I cannot seem to debunk for them.  There are details about my life that I am unwilling to have to share just to get them to stop helping.  Eat this.  Take that supplement.  It works for them.  OMG, just stop.  Thank you, Mom and Dad, seriously, for caring, but I just don't need this advice.

This is how I'm doing.  I will have better days, but not for a while, I think. :P

Fibro is Real

This is a good article for people who have been accused of, or have accused others of, being a hypochondriac when it comes to the symptoms of Fibromyalgia.  Those of us who suffer learn first-hand that the physical symptoms that affect us are ask too real. We have read the research to support it, and do our best to live with these symptoms. We definitely do not need the additional burden of ignorant accusations.
Is Fibromyalgia All in My Head?

Great Overview Video of FMS

Today I came across a great video.  It's a doctor giving a presentation about Fibromyalgia.  He describes what it is, what it isn't, how it's diagnosed, how it's treated, what patients experience, how Fibromyalgia pain has been studied and measured to be different than in other people.  There are detailed descriptions of many topics and lots of tips on treatment (especially non-drug treatments) and I even learned a few things.  At the very least, my foggy brain was reminded of things I'd forgotten I knew.

As I watched, I found this video to be a useful educational tool for both Fibromyalgia patients and their loved ones alike.  Direct people who are confused about FMS to this video, especially to certain areas relevant to the questions that perhaps you cannot find the right words to explain.  It's an hour and a half long, so if they really want to know, they'll watch.  That said, you may need to take breaks and watch it in manageable chunks.  I also suggest keeping a pad and pen nearby, for any notes you may want to jot down for yourself. There is also a question-and-answer segment at the end as well with questions from the audience. 

I've been diagnosed for over four years now, and have been experiencing chronic pain for over five years.  Having read and learned so much since then about Fibromyalgia, I must say that watching this overview was a great review that kind of puts all the pieces together nicely. 

I realize, though, that not all aspects of the condition are mentioned in this presentation.  For instance, pacing and stress are briefly mentioned, but not given as much time as they might deserve, if relating the portion of time in the video vs. importance in a fibromite's world.  He also doesn't go into great detail about every last symptom that might be grouped into the syndrome, though he picks several of the big ones.  This is a pretty detailed overview of the condition with what we know about it now.   Hopefully we will learn more in the coming years about the cause and better ways to treat or (dare to dream) cure it.

I hope you enjoy this video and learn something from it.  Share as needed.  I also hope that friends and family members of Fibromyalgia patients, and perhaps others in the medical community or general population, will watch at least some portion of this video and try to understand this confounding syndrome which, even Dr. Gross admits, doesn't really belong in any particular medical category because it affects everything.

Fibromyalgia: It's Real It's Manageable What You Can Do

I'm Weaning Off Savella

With two calls into my fibro doctor and still no response, I've made the decision to wean off Savella.  I've also decided to fire my fibro doctor and find a different one to take care of me.  If you remember how my start with Savella went, you'll see why I'm not expecting much from him this time around.  I'm through with his nonsense.

After doing some drug interaction research after Monday's appointment, I learned that the Sinex nasal decongestant spray I've recently been taking doesn't play well with Savella.  According to drugs.com, there is a "moderately clinically significantly" interaction between these two drugs.  Here's the exact interaction wording:

Be careful with SNRIs and other drugs that can affect blood pressure and heart function!

As you can see above, there is a serious risk of blood pressure problems and pulse and warrants getting off Savella and SNRIs altogether, which is my current plan.  Again, I have learned all of this without any help from my fibro doctor.  My fibro doctor was the one who told me to try Sinex for the nasal congestion I mentioned during my last appointment.  What's more, he didn't tell me that it should not be used for more than just a few days - this I learned from my primary care doctor on Monday.  I'd been taking it for a couple of weeks.  This is the last straw.  I can't trust him.

Knowing all this now, it is not much of a surprise to me that I am feeling some relief after having stopped taking Sinex since Monday's appointment, and having skipped my first dose of Savella last night.  My head feels much better today and I actually slept for a change!

Thanks to others who have had to wean off SNRIs and shared the experience online, I have developed a month-long plan to wean off Savella.

The full regular dose of Savella is one 50mg tablet, twice a day, resulting in a 100mg per day dosage.  Starting last night, I will eliminate my bedtime tablet each day for two weeks, resulting in a 50mg per day dosage.  Then I will eliminate one morning dose every two days for another two weeks, resulting in a 25mg per two-day dosage.  It's not perfect, but I'm hesitant about cutting the pills in half right now, as I have not been able to confirm that it's a safe thing to do.  One person reported a worsening of heart problems after taking a cut Savella pill and warned against it.  I will continue to look into this as necessary and watch for those odd withdrawal symptoms.  If withdrawal (or "discontinuation") symptoms become problematic, I will try increasing dosage a bit to reach a happy medium as my body adjusts.  (If you can point me to something about this on the web, please leave me a comment about it!)

With this plan worked out and symptoms seeming to calm down a bit now, I feel a bit more in control of my body's chaotic messages.  This is, of course, not to mention all the "usual" fibro symptoms and pains that I can't escape.  My hope is that, with fewer side effects complicating things, my fibro might be easier to manage.

Things are still stressful, though, because there is a lot going on at work as well as at home.  Lots of projects are coming fast and furious at work because the market is changing and it requires action.  As a member of my company's IT team, I get to be affected by all of these sudden and very urgent changes, even when they turn out to be reversed later due to new information.  It's already happened and it will happen again.  I just need to deal with that.  It's going to be a long year.

A family member's health, though, is also suddenly very poor, but we aren't exactly sure of the diagnosis yet.  He has his own chronic health problems, so the implications of his new symptoms are serious and worrisome.  I am doing my best to stay strong and take care of his needs while my health seems to stabilize, though I also don't know how my body will handle being off SNRIs long-term.

My schedule and fibro doesn't allow me to do much of what needs to be done at home, much less handle all these additional challenges.  I don't have much choice, though, but to try to keep calm and carry on, so that is what I must do.

Today is my Third Anniversary

Okay, well, it's not necessarily one I like to celebrate - it's the anniversary of my original Fibromyalgia diagnosis, in 2008. I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia by a rheumatologist. As a treatment plan, he put me on Lyrica and then Cymbalta, both with awful results. After that, the young doctor seemed to be out of ideas, so I looked for a more experienced doctor.

I found a doctor who specialized in Fibromyalgia patients, got re-diagnosed (pretty much at every appointment) using the standard pressure-point test, and saw him for a while. He started me on Pristiq to regulate serotonin, and also prescribed sleeping meds to help me sleep. I also had a pain medication at my disposal for managing flare-ups. I made some progress and was glad to have found this doctor. One of the most important things he studied, was a theory that an overabundance of yeast in the digestive tract is the ultimate cause of Fibromyalgia symptoms, and could be better managed or even cured by using anti-fungals and maintaining a strict "yeast-free" diet for at least 6 months, then as needed.

I tried this treatment for 3 months without cheating, because I was very curious to see if this treatment would be effective for me. This meant I could have: no bread, no beer, no sugar, no fermented products, no preservatives or artificial sweeteners, very limited fruit and dairy, and pretty much nothing pre-packaged unless it was whole grain or free of all the other forbidden stuff. I basically ended up eating home-chopped salads with lime juice for dressing, and Triscuits (whole wheat) for lunches, and clean meats and veggies for dinners. I'd snack on veggies and have fruit for dessert. Cheese was a special treat.

Basically, I lost 20 pounds in 3 months, I felt worse painwise, and I was not happy about being a social pariah because I couldn't go out to dinner or eat "regaular" foods with my husband or friends anymore. I was skinny and miserable. The doctor saw my ribs and urged me to quit the diet and eat some ice cream or something. Not long after that, the doctor closed up shop and I was looking for a new fibro doctor again. (I'm not sure I was the cause of the closing up of the shop, but I do wonder sometimes.)

I found a neurologist who works in a pain clinic setting. He is very familiar with Fibromyalgia as well as other chronic pain conditions. This is the doctor I currently see now. He is a great listener and we manage my treatments together. I ask lots of questions, tell him how my health has been between visits, and tell him what I consider most important about my symptoms at the time. If necessary, we change up medications or talk about non-medical treatments that could help. I suspect he doubles as my psychiatrist, as he's usually typing a lot of information as I talk. Thus far, it's been a good match, I think.

So, today, I reflect on my journey from undiagnosed to having been officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia for three full years now. Back then, I had just learned the word and all the packaged symptoms it entails. I have tried many types of treatments and have experienced many ups and downs. I've learned lots about what it means to have Fibromyalgia and deal with its unpredictable nature. I've also connected with many others like myself through online groups and made great friendships I probably would not have, otherwise.

It's been a relatively short journey thus far, but I have already made much progress. I'm hoping that the remainder of my journey will only get easier with time and experience.

Special thanks to everyone who has contributed to my learning and understanding

along the way. This includes doctors, researchers, nonprofit organizations and their publications, support groups, all my fibrofriends, and last but not least, my friends and family - especially my husband Don - who have been supportive and understanding of my body's changes, even before I could be. I am grateful for you and the help I get from you every single day. I am able to deal with this only because of you.

THANK YOU! 

Fibroletters, Fibromyalgia Letter Writing Campaign

I have recently discovered a great cause that helps to demonstrate how Fibromyalgia (FMS) affects people.  The name of the idea is Fibroletters, Fibromyalgia Letter Writing Campaign.  It was started by several patients with Fibromyalgia (among other conditions) to help the public understand of the reality of Fibromyalgia.  

Per the Facebook page, here is a description of the purpose of this campaign.

This is not an FMS awareness campaign, but more of an FMS humane campaign.

The purpose of the group is to get at least 500 letters from those that suffer FMS, their families, friends, neighbors, co workers and anyone that can say how it not only affects the sufferer, but those around them.

Once we reach 500 letters they will all be mailed to the media AT ONE TIME. We are hoping that if its sent this way, it will be the same as if we were there. Each letter representing a person. Each person telling a story. Each story affecting another.

Please join us in sending a letter snail mail or email.  (More info is on the web page.)

Whether you are a patient, friend, relative, coworker, or just know someone with Fibromyalgia, you will very likely have a perspective on how this health condition has affected you.  Most readers of this blog (if not all) know someone who has Fibromyalgia.  Many of you know me, and if you know me, you know someone with Fibromyalgia. 

I have already written and submitted my letter via email.  Will you please take a few moments to write a few words about how Fibromyalgia has affected your life and send it in as well?  There is no cost, other than time, and your words will have an impact on this campaign.  Your letter can help make a difference.  

Please write a letter and send it in.  Share this campaign with others you know.  Join the Facebook page.  Visit the website.  Share the link with your friends and invite them to join.  Post the call for letters in your blog or networks.  Email about it.  Talk about it.  Tweet about it.  Get the word out any way you can so they can reach their goal of 500 letters.

Our healing begins with understanding and the best way to help others understand is to write a personal letter.

Thank you!

Up, Down, Up Again...Wee!

Aren't the cycles of chronic illness just SO much "fun"? ;)

Anyway, since I'd left you all with a downward trend, I wanted to report that I'm moving back upward again today.  Despite the ongoing back issues and seasonal allergies kicking in (which means more sneezing, which means more back pain...), I do think I'm doing better - at least today.

My back seems to be healing up, slowly, whatever the problem was.  I am also sleeping better, which is great news.  I've noticed more tiredness and morning issues, but I believe it's related more to the seasonal allergies draining me and drying out my throat during the night.  

Last weekend I (finally) visited with my parents and my niece, who also has Fibromyalgia.  I gave her a bottle of my Magnesium Malate, since she is most likely deficient and it may help her with her symptoms, too.  I sure hope so.  I wish I'd remembered about my mom needing Magnesium, too, since she has Type 2 Diabetes and this is one of the conditions I'd read about also needing magnesium supplements.  I may have to send her some as a surprise.

In other news, I'm noticing some weird dynamics going on between other family members and me.  I want to call it a snubbing, but I'm not quite sure.  The people in question are not like me at all, so it's possible they are just different and I'm not comprehending their behavior.  Assuming the worst, however, my theory is that there is a problem with my atheism, and possibly some other of my personal opinions or lifestyle choices (being child-free has also been a point of contention) and they either don't know how to express themselves, or choose to be passive-aggressive about it.   Either way, it's quite childish.  I wish people could muster up enough balls to bring up things that bother them and discuss it like adults.  People are different and I try to accept them they way they are.  Why must others keep trying to change me?  

Anyway, it's their loss.  I'm an awesome person, so they're missing out.  I'm just glad my parents got over their fears and confusions about me and love me regardless.  They are always warm to both me and my husband and welcome us frequently to visit with them.

Thank you, Mama and Tata for loving me the way I am.  I love you, too.  Don, Annette, and all my other understanding friends and family members, the same goes to you, too.  I appreciate you all!

formspring.me

What's the nicest thing someone's ever done for you?

This is a boring answer, but the nicest thing someone has ever done for me is to care about me - genuinely. My husband Don is definitely one of those people and I would be lost without him. Thank you, Don!

Ask me anything

Spoons: Lost and Found

Most of us Fibromites and chronic pain sufferers (aka "spoonies") are familiar with the Spoon Theory.  If you're not, click on the link and read the little story that helps explain what it's like to have a rationed amount of energy each day.

Last week, there was a lot going on at work, and I started using up too many of my spoons here and there.  By Friday, I was dealing with a deficit.  I was out of energy and couldn't wait to go home and just crash.  Luckily, my boss recognized all the extra work I'd put in and urged me to leave early on Friday.  I left, ran an errand, and crashed on the couch with my heating pad and my blanket, zoning out to reruns in my Tivo's Suggestions.  I was tempted to do some reading or journal writing, but I was so wiped out and dizzy that I could hardly remember my own name, so I knew that would be a waste of effort.  I got as comfortable as possible and zoned out for several hours.  Lying still minimized the vertigo that was plaguing me at, literally, every turn.

When evening came, I too my half Ambien and slept as long as possible.  When allowed, my body will try to sleep for about 11 or 12 hours.  I was still exhausted on Saturday, but the weather was nice, so I took advantage and took a little walk with Don around the neighborhood.  I had to stop a couple times, and I felt old and feeble about it, but I made it and got some sunshine.  I was able to read and pushed myself to do some minor cooking and cleaning that evening.  Then I slept as long as possible again that night.

By Sunday, I must have found some of my lost spoons because I was ready to actually shower and go out. :)  I noticed less vertigo/presyncope on Sunday morning, so I jumped at the chance to go out for brunch and beer.  We enjoyed the sunshine and walked around town a bit, too.  We even had ice cream and played chess at our local Oberweis before doing the grocery shopping and heading home.  It was a very full, but worthwhile day and I'm glad I was able to partake.

Sometimes those missing spoons are just put aside for another day, I guess.

P.S.  Thanks to NicnBill for the teaspoons photo.

The Wizard of "Ow!"s

This morning, from bed, I told Don that I feel a lot like many of the main characters from The Wizard of Oz.

I feel like:

• The Tin Man - because, although I do have a heart, I am so stiff that I feel like I need oil to move
• The Scarecrow - because my fibrofog leaves me wishing for a brain (I could hardly remember this character's name to explain)
  
• The Lion - because, although I put on a brave face, I am scared
• Dorothy - because, I was still in bed and could not bear to leave to get up and get ready for work in my condition.  "There's no place like home!"
• All of the above, again - because I want to go see the Wizard, who will cure me of all my "ow!"s
  

 Don was very quick to add that the lesson learned from the entire story was that that the Wizard didn't have any magical powers, that it all came from inside.  It's true - it's all in the attitude and perspective.  I hope to improve my outlook.

Thanks, Don!

 

Husband in the Hospital

This past weekend was a harsh reminder that the other half of my little family - my husband Don - is also affected by a chronic, incurable, and serious health condition.  He has been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease for 16 years now. 

When I first met him about 8 years ago, his condition was somewhat stable and being well-managed with Remicade infusions every few months.  He would still go through cycles of feeling better, then worse as the drug wears off , but he has thus far been lucky enough not to have required any surgery to resection his intestines, as many Crohnies have.  (We both dread the day when that has to start.)

After a terrible night of vomiting and unusually excruciating pains, he told me Saturday morning that he "might have to go to the hospital".  Needless to say, I jumped into action and was ready to take him in a matter of minutes.  He couldn't even keep a sip of water down without throwing it back up in only a few minutes.  All signs pointed to an intestinal obstruction, which is serious business for anyone.  I took him to the ER Saturday morning.  After the usual tests and waiting around for hours, the ER doctor recommended he be admitted, so he was moved to a different room and stayed overnight.

The obstruction does not seem to have resolved itself as of yet, but at least he can eat without vomiting and the pain is not as awful as it was before.  Treatment, per his own gastrointestinal specialist, is to try to reduce the inflammation to help open up a likely narrowed portion of small intestine with an antibiotic.  He was on liquids only Saturday through Sunday morning, but is now temporarily on a low-residue diet until this obstruction resolves.

The entire time was in the hospital, poor Don was worried about my health and comfort.  ♥ 

But my health came second to his during this time of emergency.  I didn't care about my needs - I just wanted to make sure he was okay and had some company during this scary time.  I skipped breakfast and my daily supplements and stretches Saturday morning, and was doting on him as he lay in the hospital bed, sometimes putting myself in awkward positions or standing for a long time.  I would tend to my own needs later.  I am surprised to notice, however, that despite my own neglect, my left hip didn't feel bad at all, I wasn't noticing much dizziness or fibrofog, and I hardly noticed any of my usual pains and problems.  I think my body responded to the emergency to graciously allow me to focus my attention on what I decided mattered most at the time.  I suspect the problems were there, but I didn't allow them the attention they usually get because I was determined to help my husband in any way I could.

As expected, today, I notice a heap of exhaustion, plenty of moments of presyncope (dozens of episodes already this morning) and more pains in my hip, back, and legs.  It was interesting, though, to notice that my pains and fatigue temporarily subsided during a time of crisis.  I wonder if I can tap into that need again - perhaps the next time I'm having my own crisis of extreme pains. 

Have any of you noticed that your Fibromyalgia symptoms subside during emergencies or special circumstances, despite any added stress?  Have you ever been able to control your symptoms when they reach crisis levels, by using some mental technique?  I'd love to read your experiences.

Big Weekend

I just said "good-bye" to my husband's parents and sister and her boyfriend after a long, four-day weekend visit with us. My husband, Don, was great and handled most of the hosting responsibilities, including pretty much all of the cooking and planning. (Thanks Don!)

Yesterday, we took the train out to downtown Chicago and spent the whole day wandering around Millennium Park and the city streets, taking pictures, drinking, eating, and having a good time. We even went out to karaoke at a bar near my home after the train ride back. We all drank and sang and stayed out until 2am last night!

I knew a whole day of walking was going to be hard for me, but I committed and looked forward to the event. It went surprisingly well, although I am still waiting for the proverbial other shoe to fall. I am only dealing with minor aches and some fatigue today, but I never would have guessed that I'd be functioning after yesterday's full agenda. I thought I'd at least be dealing with a hangover, but I must have kept myself properly hydrated, because I am luckily not hungover at all.

I am still a bit skittish over a probable delayed reaction to all the activities, but I just decided that I'm going to enjoy myself for the moment and not worry about a flare until it actually happens.

Hi, I'm Benia

"Nice place you got here" was the first thing I said to my now-husband when I met him in person at his house. Then I moved in and we got married. I met him online and we'd communicated via e-mails and chatting before I finally decided I should meet the boy. I kind of did the same thing with blogging sites. I'm now officially moving in. :)

I thought I'd use my very first post to introduce myself to my readers. One of my faults is being too detailed, so it's a challenge to sum up my life in a short post. I'm a bit on the pedantic side, so if you catch me using "it's" when I should be using "its" (which I caught myself doing twice in the past couple days), feel free to let 'er rip and let me know about it.

I was born and raised in Chicagoland by Polish immigrants. I'm the third of three daughters, and the black sheep as well. Much to my family's chagrin, I converted from Catholocism to Atheism in adulthood. I'm also happily child-free.

The old Benia died on 9/25/2006 when I was rear-ended at a stoplight. The whiplash/concussion I sustained then triggered the Fibromyalgia with which I suffer today. If you're unfamiliar with this condition, it's difficult to understand, even for doctors, but I've done a significant amount of reading and can conclude the following about it. It is not fatal, but it is a chronic, life-altering pain condition that has its roots in a central nervous system disorder - thereby affecting all systems in the body. It's a bit of a bitch to get used to, frankly, and I'm working hard on trying to live with this beast and still have something of a positive attitude in life. My future posts will uncover whether or not I'm able to do that.

Stay tuned and thanks for visiting.