Weird Myofascial Knots, Flare-Up

Last week and even the week before, I had some very strange knots that appeared in my upper, right shoulder blade/back area.  They seemed to have spread havoc to many other areas, including my head, neck, back, and hips.  There were a few days of forced rest starting last week Sunday.  I am not sure what triggered this.  I seemed to have been doing great for many months now, mostly, until the Mirena installation in February.  Then I had a painful mammogram done in March that probably didn't help matters.  It seems a bit far-fetched that these two, painful but quick procedures could have ruined such a great run, but with Fibro, you can never tell what might lead to a flare-up.  Perhaps the weather and some other factors may have combined into a perfect storm or something.  I do still strive to eat more produce and choose healthy foods more often than indulgences.

Anyway, I've been using my TheraCane massager a lot, which seems to help ease the knots and referring pains a bit.  I also did some yoga at home to see if it would help, since it usually helped a lot when I went to yoga class with pains.  I had to take a couple of days off unpaid to rest last week, but I'm sure not driving and having to think about work was the right thing to do.  I'm due for my biweekly massage tomorrow.  Last time, there we so many awful lumps and knots along the right side of my back, I couldn't believe it, but it did explain all the pain and problems I'd been experiencing lately.

Oddly, I think the fibro fog is still affecting me, since I managed to make two mistakes that added a lot of unnecessary driving/car riding time both yesterday and the day before.  Nothing major, but stupid mistakes nonetheless.  Long car trips are a little tough on me because of the immobility, but I think the stress of the mistake was also contributing a bit to my pains.

I'm still doing my best to keep up the hip stretches, stair climbing, and other activity to help keep my muscles warm, loose, and healthy.  I'm a little frustrated though, that despite my climbing 4 floors of steps every work day, at least once a day, but usually twice a day, since early February is still all I can do at one time.  I expected to be able to progress and do 5 floors after a few weeks, but I still get very fatigued at the third floor, then push myself to do the fourth and final floor, sometimes stopping or going very slowly, just to make it.  I literally feel like I have used up all the energy available in my legs by the time I'm at the fourth floor up.

Another weird thing I notice while climbing stairs is that my mind frequently gets confused and I frequently almost miss a step but luckily hesitate to prevent falls.  Does this happen to other fibromites? I'm hanging onto the rails and going slowly, but every once in a while, it's like a skip or a glitch in my brain and I'm unsure what my foot will do and if I'll land the next step properly.  This is while I'm looking at the stairs because I cannot risk not looking.  I also don't go down on the stairs because my knees buckle too frequently.  I am on the disabled list at work to skip fire drills.  With an entire building of people rushing me, I would surely fall if I tried descending 8 floors of stairs.  On top of that, I can't risk a flare up from the stupid drill.  If my life was in danger, I'm sure I could manage to go down the steps because it would be worth a flare-up to survive, but for drills, I'm not risking a flare.

In other news, I've begun to revise my WRAP and the more I worked on it, the more I've been completely rethinking the structure of it.  When I'm done, I hope to have a simpler, easier to read format, but there is just so much information and detail that I keep getting stuck and making the revisions more sweeping, which is delaying the progress.  I've set a goal to get this done by the end of the year, but I've also set a lot of other goals for this year, so I don't want to arrive in December with a mad, impossible scramble to get things done.  That would be creating stress, and I'm not about that at all.  I do realize I've taken on a lot of goals, but I think it can be done.  If not, I'll have learned something about my abilities and scale things back for next year's goals.

The weather is finally looking more like Spring this weekend.  I hope you're all doing reasonably well and looking forward to some warmer weather.

One last note, if you donated to my friend's dental fund, THANK YOU!  You are wonderful for donating!  Also, if you shared a link to the campaign with your friends or readers, THANK YOU!  You are great to help someone in need.

If you haven't done either of these things, please consider doing one or both.  Do something nice for someone less fortunate.  Doing something nice for someone is therapeutic and can make you feel good.  I do what I can to help you all by sharing details about my life.  This is a great way for you all to pay it forward and feel good about helping my friend Dee (aka "Line") get her teeth fixed so she can eat.  Many chronic conditions, medications, stress, and poverty have caused her teeth to get loose or damaged and she is unable to eat much solid food, which is further hurting her overall health.  She's been through hell and it's not even over if she can get these teeth fixed.

Even a small contribution or even just sharing the link is really very helpful for her cause.  A donation of just one dollar is very much appreciated, and you can remain anonymous if you like.  You can also skip the fund and donate via PayPal if you have an account.  Here is a link to her GoFundMe campaign with all the details.  She's also updated with a few videos that explain her situation a bit.  I would be very grateful if you can show just a little love and do something for my dear friend, Dee.  Although she is very giving, she hates to ask for help, but this is really her last hope.  Please give it some thought and see if you can help her in any way.  Earn some good karma for yourself.  THANK YOU!

Letter to My Future Self

Wow, summer is just flying by! Where does the time go? I can't believe July is almost over.

I have been doing relatively well with fibro, being active, and eating healthier. I still have issues, like trouble sleeping and pain symptoms, but overall, I feel much better lately and have been using my (unpaid) intermittent FMLA time less.

One idea I had been thinking about doing for a blog post is writing to my future self. Many of us write in out journals and blogs about how things are going at the present moment, but even if we don't do it regularly, we may, someday, look back and read an old entry, for whatever reason. Why not tuck in a little message to our future selves?

My message to me, whenever it may be that I read it, and however I am feeling then, follows...

Dear Benia,
I hope you are well. I am doing much better lately. I've been eating healthy lunch salads from Whole Foods most work days, and doing Vinyasa yoga each Wednesday for an hour.

My new fibro doctor is very nice and reduced my medications to just one for fibro, Cyclobenzaprine (aka Flexeril). I am doing well as it helps with muscle spasms as well as sleep. (I take it at bedtime.)

I am currently off all supplements until I need them and doing okay. My IBS symptoms are under control, thanks to my realizing I was getting too much of some fat-soluble vitamins from my diet, and did not need additional supplementation.

Work is busy and a bit stressful at the moment, for both of us, actually. We are hoping to make some positive changes there.

The master bathroom remodel is mostly finished, though we are still waiting for a couple of doors to come in and get installed. The project started in April! I'm just glad it's almost over.

The weather has been extremely hot and dry this year. The summer weather started at the last week of winter, in March. We've never seen anything like it! Many if our native plants are blooming early this year. They are surviving, though, and the wildlife is happy to enjoy it, too. 

We have also been having a lot of freak thunderstorms - almost exclusively. They roll in, pour rain for a bit with plenty of wind, lightning, and even hail. Then they move on and it's back to hot, calm, sunny weather.

It's been a strange year, but I'm trying to focus on the positives. I am going to update my WRAP soon, since I have learned a lot about myself since I created it.

Hope you are doing great. I love you, and don't ever forget that!

Benia

The Mack Truck is Back

So I had two good weeks without many symptoms, feeling good and in control of things with diet and exercise happening and everything.  Then Monday, something started up and I'm flaring up for some reason.  Was I too greedy with doing things while feeling good that I triggered a flare by being too active and not resting?

Last night I was awake all night.  Not so much as a nap came over me - all flippin' night.  I tried relaxing in bed with ear plugs, without ear plugs, tried lying on my back, my sides, tried thinking of pleasant things.  Nothing.  Hours and hours of stressful thoughts about various things going on at work that have been bothering me lately kept creeping back into my mind and and I could not fall asleep.  The stress broke me.  I don't know what it is about the middle of the night, but I felt so hopeless and frustrated.  I moved to the couch and read blog posts in my Google Reader on my phone to try to take my mind off things, since I'd given up on sleep.  Forget work today.  There's just no way.  I am a wreck.  I took a much-needed sick day.

It seems my abdominal area is tender and painful lately, mostly near the left side.  Air bubbles or ulcers  - I don't know any more.  It doesn't seem to matter what I eat, unless the tiny bits of apple I found in yesterday's fruit started something, but I picked them out.  (I'm allergic to raw apple skins.)    I just feel crappy.  Then there's the back spasm in my right side that came back to life.   Even the hydrocodone I took at bed time wasn't helping that.  I wonder if the medication kept me up instead of making me drowsy.  Side effects don't always make sense in my body. 

I've been trying to stay on this side of the sane/crazy borderline, but last night I think I wandered over the line a bit.  My mental state seems back in good enough order, but my body is stuck in physical disarray at the moment, and notice that it affects my thinking a bit.

As always, when I stay home due to illness, I can't help but feel the invisible pressure of all those chores and tasks I have to do.  There is some compromise where I go and do a couple of easy things, but I have a hard time just resting, which is what I need to be doing.  For instance, I have been meaning to update my WRAP and wish I would do that, but I know I should not be at the computer too long with this spasm screaming at me.  I washed up our farm veggies (we have them delivered weekly from a local CSA, Wellhausen Farms) and made a healthy salad for lunch, but it took a very long time, and I was tempted to just grab something like cereal and leave it all undone.  Despite all the healthy ingredients in my salad today, my belly is also complaining again and uncomfortable.  I folded some laundry, too, because I knew it would nag at me if I didn't.  Despite my fatigue, I cannot rest easily at all.  This is one of the common frustrating symptoms of Fibromyalgia.

I hate that I can feel so great, then shitty, so quickly.  It makes me feel bipolar in some ways.  I was hoping I could coast through the summer feeling almost like a normal.  I guess I had forgotten my limitations again and overdone it with activities.  I will learn from this flare, just like with every flare, but I'm not enjoying this lesson.  Ugh.  Time for me to lie down.  I hope my next post is more fun than this one.

Feeling Pretty Good

Just wanted to post quickly that I've been sleeping much better lately, and have not been experiencing so much pain as my previous "usual" most days.  I've had twitches and headaches and the odd pains here and there (like what's with this TMJ soreness in the right side today and yesterday?), and still get fatigued somewhat easily, but with some pacing and caution, I seem to be doing okay at the moment.  It's hard to remember to notice the days when I'm not dealing with 17 strange pains or other symptoms, but I do believe that it's important to stop and appreciate the absence of symptoms, whichever ones they may be.

Today, I was reminded of the back pain I would typically experience during any given day when I had a sudden, sharp, muscle spasm today at work.  It made me realize that I'd been working more days, and have been feeling more "human" recently.  By that I mean that I can smile, I can walk at a reasonable pace most of the time, and I can talk to people about various topics without being constantly distracted by various pains and discomfort and my next move to try to relieve it.  As a caution, I took a half-tablet of a muscle relaxant and moved around a little.  It seems to have helped, but I feel it wanting to stage a coup.  My awareness of it lurking there will remind me to continue move around a little more than usual to prevent it from flaring up, hopefully.  I've learned so much from my years of dealing with these random symptoms!

This is reminding me, once again, of a task I've been putting off for a while now: update my WRAP.  My WRAP is my "Wellness Recovery Action Plan" and in it, I have details about how to proceed, when my fibro-fogged brain forgets, when I recognize a trigger for a flare-up, a mild flare-up, a major flare-up, and everything in between.  What has worked for me and what hasn't?  This is my reference for me and anyone in my household who may need help figuring out what to do when things happen to a chronic pain sufferer like myself.  It's good to have one just for yourself, too.  But definitely keep it in sight, or it will escape you in moments of need.  Take it from me.  I have forgotten, plenty of times, what I should do next during times of crisis.

Once I make the updates, I'll be sure to share with you all so you can create your own reference.  Having to update the information feels like a kind of a graduation of sorts.  I had limited experience with Fibromyalgia when I first wrote it, but now that I've kind of been around the block and figured out my body a little better, it's time to improve it with more current information.

Things are busy at work, as always, and life at home is plenty busy as well.  I do, however, feel like I am able to do more around the house lately.  My personal to-do list, however, is not getting much shorter for some reason.  I wonder if part of the reason I'm feeling better is that I'm forcing myself to do less after a long workday.  I may have to test that theory out and see if doing one or two things in the evening is safe for me to do.  My energy limits seem to be a moving target, so this will be an experiment.

I'm going to follow my own advice and do just one thing on my list tonight. Wish me luck!

The Fibro ToolKit

Are you prepared for everything that could go wrong during a flare-up?  Do you have what you need as a Fibromyalgia patient?  Do you have a Fibro Toolkit to help you manage your physical and emotional health on a daily basis?

I was only diagnosed 3 years ago, but I've already collected quite a collection of tools and precautions - just in case.

Here's what I have, and what I think every Fibromyalgia sufferer should also have:






A Good Fibro Doctor

It's not always easy to find the right doctor, but if you don't like the one you've got, do what you can to keep looking for and trying new ones until you find one that you can work well with.  A good doctor is one who believes you, listens to you, and understands Fibromyalgia and the various ways to go about treating it.

Even better than one good doctor is a great team of doctors who effectively works together to communicate on the various health issues you need treated.  If you're not happy with your health care providers, move on.


A Library of Practical and Useful Books

Do some research and invest in or borrow at least one or two good resources to look back at from time to time.  Fibromyalgia encompasses a lot of various symptoms and has a lot of overlapping conditions associated with it.  It seems it's never the same condition twice!  As the fibrobeast evolves and confounds you, having a reliable text nearby may help with figuring it out and perhaps calming it or even explaining it to others.

The books I own are:

• Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain: A Survival Manual by Devin J. Starlanyl & Mary Ellen Copeland
• The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook: Your Self-Treatment Guide for Pain Relief by Clair Davies, Amber Davies, & David G. Simons

A Subscription to the Fibromyalgia Network News Journal

Like the books above, there is pertinent information that is great to consult for the myriad symptoms that plague us fibromites.  However, the Journal is published regularly and contains shorter articles that keep us updated on new research regarding causes and treatments.  The timeliness of this information is extremely useful and well worth the yearly membership fee.

If you can't afford membership, you can still look here for fewer, but still useful, articles - online and for free.


Useful Self-Massaging Tools

My Thera Cane and Knobble are handy for massaging certain spots, but if you're short on money, find yourself a tennis or other kind of ball or two and an old sock or stocking.  Put the ball or balls in the sock and tie the end.  Throw it over your shoulder and lean agains them on the wall or chair.  Or, they work on the soles of feet or other areas where pressure can easily be applied (without straining).

I also see a great massage therapist every two weeks for an hour-long massage (mainly on my back, neck, shoulders, and face) which helps release the myofascial trigger points I have.


Heat Wraps

Though some people like icing their pains, I find heat to be comforting on my painful areas.  I have worn out a couple of heating pads already and am currently on my third.  It is dedicated (mostly) to my spot on the couch.  At work, I keep "Bunny" in a closable leftover container for microwaving.  I made "Bunny" using a pair of soft socks, a bag of dry rice that cost less than a dollar, a piece of ribbon I just happened to have, and some hand-sewing.  I also have a fancier model that was given to me as a gift.  The shape of it lends itself more to a back or shoulder than the curvier part of the neck.  But "Bunny" is better for that, especially as hands-free.


Pill Organizers

I have two weekly pill organizers that are different colors.  One (white) is for my morning doses and the other (blue) is for my bedtime doses.  I have had to take some medications in the afternoons or middle of the day, but luckily those were temporary.  For those, I kept a supply in my purse and a daily reminder on my cell phone to let me know when to take my medication.  If you have one or more regular maintenance drugs that have to be taken at other times during the day, definitely invest in a third weekly pill organizer or some sort of other effective system to keep track of your meds. 

I fill both organizers at the same time, once a week, and make note of any prescriptions that need to get refilled soon.  Then I refill anything I need online ASAP so I don't forget and run out.  I also have a great system for making certain that I take my pills when I'm supposed to.  At bedtime, I take out both my morning and nighttime pill organizers and place them on the bathroom countertop.  I take the nighttime meds right away, then put the nighttime organizer away.  I leave the morning organizer on the counter until I wake up.  I figure the first and last things I do each day are to visit the bathroom, so I have made taking the meds part of that routine.


Effective, As-Needed Medications

In addition to the maintenance medications I take every morning and every night, I keep a small stash (in a traveling, purse-sized container) of various pain pills with me at all times, in case I need to rely on something to save me from disaster while I'm out.  I have: pain pills, muscle relaxants, headache pills, antacids and gas pills.  I have medication to help me focus for when I need to do well at work but the pain keeps distracting me.  I also keep an allergy medication and my rescue inhaler for asthma emergencies.  In addition, I have sugared ginger cubes in a baggie at work and at home, in case I feel nauseated.


Zostrix HP, Arthritis Pain Relief Cream
Zostrix is a cream that contains capsaicin.  I heard that capsaicin, which is derived from hot peppers, has a natural ability to lower Substance P - the chemical in our bodies that help our brains detect pain signals - with regular use.  Since studies have shown that Fibromites have too much Substance P, I figured I'd give this creme a try.  I don't use it often, as it heats up the area where applied, and my pains tend to wander too quickly to make use of the long-acting effects to be comfortable.  I usually opt for real heat, but use Zostrix when I know I'll be away from heat wraps and I'm having pain flares in more stubborn locations, like my upper back or my hip.


Someone Close Who Can Help You

I am lucky to have a husband who has learned what is most difficult for me and has taken on the burden of doing the more strenuous chores for me, and helping me when I ask.  He learns about the aspects of having Fibromyalgia along with me, as new experiences and information come about.  Without him, I don't know what I'd do.  Every fibromite needs someone they can ask for help and understanding, even if it has to be outside the home.


Fun, Easy Things to Do During Flare-Ups

One of the hardest things Fibromyalgia patients struggle to do is pace themselves by taking frequent rest breaks.  When we do, it's nice to have things we enjoy doing to keep our mind off our worries.  For instance, I like journaling, and I can do that from bed or my "nest" on the easy chair.  There are a couple of books I enjoy reading, too.  Then I've got a sketchbook for drawing (though I haven't done much yet), a Sudoku book (comes in handy in the bathroom), and there are lots of great places to read or be silly online if I'm up to being at the computer.

Pets or stuffed animals can also be fun to rest the mind and relief stress.  Remember to make sure you have things you can easily do in the middle of the night, for those sleepless hours that inevitably come our way.


WRAP: Wellness Recovery Action Plan

The idea for the WRAP came from one of the two books I listed above (the first one).  Bascially, you write out all the things that you should remember to do when you feel a flare-up starting, but probably have too much fibrofog to think straight.  Here's mine.


That's about all I can think of.  What's in your toolkit?  Share your tips!

I understand that Fibro is similar to ME/CFS in some ways... How do you cope with the pain, exhaustion, & broken sleep? (ie. 3 hours sleep, waking every 10-50mins) What things make you happy & take your mind off your illness?

I wrote up my own Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP), based on my observations of my symptoms, triggers, and treatments. I shared mine with the public here:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/18785920/Zouras-WRAP

It is difficult on the worst days, of course, but when I am up to enjoying friends or alone time, I can forget for a little bit. They key is to remember that there will be better days ahead.

What's on your mind? Fun or serious questions welcome.

Another Diagnosis: Sacroiliitis

I met with my fibro doctor last Tuesday.  Luckily, I had the forethought to try to jot things to discuss down on paper, starting a week or so before my appointment.  I had a whole page of topics!  Here's a wrap-up of the major points we covered.

I explained about my hip and lower back issues. The doctor diagnosed Sacroiliitis and gave me a special velcro belt that helps tighten the hips.  It feels good.  I am to wear it as long as it feels comfortable, to help align the sacroiliac joints.  He even measured my legs to see if they might be different sizes, which can lead to this problem, but they are the same length. He mentioned that Sacroiliitis can be a symptom of Ankylosing Spondylitis, but didn't seem too concerned at this point.  (I'm still concerned, but we'll see how it goes.)

I told him about my screaming left knee pain that comes on sometimes, especially in the evenings, while I'm just sitting on the couch.  He named it Patella C-something (I couldn't spell it - maybe this is it?) and said to avoid sitting on my leg or legs and to also avoid crossing my legs while I sit.  These are very hard on the knees, he says.  He also said skipping steps while going up stairs is really bad for that, too.  I definitely don't skip steps, but I noticed this week that I do try to cross my legs a lot while at work.  I've been stopping myself, now that I know it's bad for my knee.

I told him about my frequent presyncope (feeling faint) and how it happens when I change directions or speeds.  He was initially concerned about POTS, but he tested my resting blood pressure (which was normal - not low) and pulse before and after some mild exercises.  My resting pulse was somewhat high at 92, but the increase after activity seems normal. I can't remember exactly, but I think he attributed the high resting rate (and my sweating) to the Pristiq, and the Doxepin may have something to do with the dizziness and lightheadedness.  At any rate, he did not seem too worried about it after conducting the little test.  I guess I still don't know exactly what's going on with this.

Doxepin is the stuff I decreased from 2 capsules nightly to 1 capsule nightly, because I was getting a crazy sweet tooth and getting fat.  However, it should help me with pain, so he suggested I add increasing back to 2 for 5-7 days to my action items in my WRAP, especially if I notice I'm not getting sleep.  He also said I could increase it for worsening of pain, especially in the wintertime, when fibro tends to get worse.  I just need to be aware of the side effects and keep them in check.  I am currently making an effort to eat healthy foods and cut down on indulgent sweets.  I actually lost a couple pounds counting calories, last time I checked. 

He wasn't too worried about my using Tramadol for pain about once daily.  I have been taking it most days in the mornings, when I feel worst.  He says that's not a big deal.

I didn't realize it until it was too late, but I completely forgot to mention the crazy tinnitus going on in my left ear all the time.  Oh well, I'll jot it down for the next time.

I guess that's it for now.  I just wanted to write something down to help digest it all, and share it with you at the same time. :)

My next appt. is Tue. 12/22/09 @ 8:20am.

Irritability

I know I'm having a bad day when my usually (somewhat) polite demeanor changes to inconsolable bitch.  One of the nicest people who knows I have a chronic pain condition asked me if I'm having a good or bad day and I just rudely retorted in despair.  This is my cue that I'm having a bad day.  I must consult my WRAP and see what to do...

I regret snapping at this person.  This is someone who is actually concerned for my well-being and I returned the favor by barking back with my discontent.  She deserves better. 

I'm sorry if you have ever been, or will ever be, the victim of my irritable mood.  Fibromyalgia is partially to blame, but I also take responsibility for not being aware in time to stop it from happening.  I will strive to do a better job of recognizing my lousy mood and try to prevent it from sucking you into the pain pit with me.  It doesn't help to have us both in there, and I know you'd help me out if you could.  Thank you for taking an interest in me.  I appreciate it.

That's a WRAP

I have finally typed up and updated my own, personal, Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP)!

The idea of the WRAP is from chapter 16 of the book: Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain: A Survival Manual (2nd Edition) by Devin Starlanyl & Mary Ellen Copeland


The WRAP is a customized group of lists for us fibromites. Since we frequently get fibrofogged and have a lot of various symptoms and treatments to keep track of, It helps to write things down. Having all of this information organized into useful groupings and keeping them together in a single document is also helpful for our caretakers, should they ever need to consult this kind of personalized fibromyalgia manual.

I made some changes from the book's instructions to the section names, because I wanted their relationships to each other to be more obvious and congruent. I also added some graphics to make it snazzier. However, I started this project by scribbling down thoughts in each category on blank paper in a big binder, then kept consulting and tweaking it as I thought of more. That's also why I added in a last updated date for myself. I anticipate that I will think of and add things to the document at a later date. Every time I print it, I'll have the "last updated" date tell me when I did.

You'll also notice that I don't have anything under the "Crisis" section yet. I am not sure what I might be like in an absolute fibro-crisis, or what plan of action I should take, as I have not yet had what I believe would be considered a crisis. However, as time goes on, I might be able to notice certain behaviors or needs when I really feel super-shitty. For now, I'm just happy that I didn't have any experience with that section just yet.

Special thanks go to Glenda Bibbero of WeAreFibro.org for reminding me about this chapter in the above-mentioned book, which I glossed over the first time I read through the book, early in my new life with Fibromyalgia. She asked me about it and wrote one up herself, publishing it in her profile journal for other members to see. She inspired me to write up my own WRAP for myself and share it with my readers, too. I also mentioned the WRAP to My doctor, who encouraged me to share it with you all here, in my blog.

Fibrofriends, I found this exercise to be very valuable to me, both during and after composing all the sections. I suggest you jot down the headings and keep your notes handy wherever you can sit and write for a few minutes. In time, you'll have your own WRAP all wrapped up and ready for your next fibrofog moment.

To read my WRAP, click:
Zouras - WRAP

Behind and Overwhelmed

I have been bad about keeping up with my blogging and journaling and overall fibro stuff lately. I was so gung-ho when I started all these projects and did fine during my time off work, but now that I'm working, I feel like there's no time left!

I went to see my fibro doctor a couple days ago. He made some changes to my dosage and added a new supplement to my regimen: magnesium w/ malic acid. I just ordered some from drugstore.com and will be taking it twice a day for pain. I hope it helps.

My sleep has been kind crappy lately. I've been waking up a lot, but not for hours (thank goodness) - just seconds. My dreams are stressful and painful, too. The other night, I dreamt I was grazed by several bullets and my wounds were becoming severely infected. I remember feeling intense pains in my face, hand, and other areas. I don't remember getting shot at or who or why it was done, just that I was hurting and needed medical attention or something! The damned dream went on an on, as usual, and there were many chapters and scenes. Why is my brain so busy at night?

Last night I woke up a few times with a terrible migraine. When it was time to wake up for work, I still had it, but it wasn't as awful as earlier (thank goodness). It's a sign that I'm flaring. Yesterday I felt hot and cold at the same time, and I had more pains everywhere. Today I have back pain, head pain, neck pain, limb pain and I really, really did not feel like going to work today. I set my alarm for another hour and tried to give it a good nap to see if it would help. It's better than nothing, but it wasn't much.

Anyway, I told my doctor about the WRAP - Wellness Recovery Action Plan - from Ch. 16 of the FMS/CMP Survival Manual book. He encouraged me to put it online for others to see. Right now I have it scribbled down on paper for myself. I consulted it today after recognizing signs of a flare that I need to address. It's helpful. I will type it up on my blog soon and share it with the world.

I'm also 20 pounds heavier now than earlier this year (February?). My skinny clothes don't fit me and my fat clothes aren't loose. :( I'm counting calories and trying to restrict myself to 1600 calories per day. I'm also trying to get my activity levels back up again, but it's a slow and frustrating process. You can't make up for lost time - like I tried to do yesterday. I probably made my symptoms worse today.

For now I'm just ick.