Just What Any of Us Needs: A New Symptom

For the past few weeks, I've noticed a new kind of pain.  It's headache pain, but the odd part about it is that it comes on suddenly, hurts a very small point on my head for about 1-3 minutes, then is gone just as suddenly as it arrived.  

The first time, I just assumed the weather changes might have triggered some migraine action.  Then, of course, because it was so sudden and intense, I worried the worst about strokes or tumors or whatever horrible thing might be responsible for sudden pain in the head.  I believe the first one was in my left temple.  I remember because I immediately started pressing into it with my finger to lessen the pain.  Then it went away.  Magic finger?  I was glad it was gone, anyway.  

Then another one occurred maybe a day later, but in a spot behind my left eyebrow, near the nose.  I wondered again about this new troubling symptom and the awful possibilities.  Then I stopped myself from going too far down the and was just grateful when it was gone.  

But then it kept happening.  I am not positive, but thus far, all of them have been landing on the left side of my head, though in about four different spots: the temple, the eyebrow/eye area, behind the ear, and near the nape.  These are all spots that have all been affected by migraine and other headaches I've had in the past.  They may be places where muscle spasms and trigger points have done their dirty work and caused pain.

Because I could not get the thought of disaster out of my mind, I did some research to see if I should worry.  What I discovered was that this quick headache thing has a name.  Two, actually.  The nickname is "ice pick headaches", but the clinical name is "primary stabbing headache". After Googling a description of what I was experiencing, and expecting to find ties to strokes or aneurysms, I found the names on this helpful page (note there are 3 pages to the article: http://www.healthcentral.com/migraine/types-of-headaches-35919-5.html

It was a relief to find that people have been having this fleeting head pain and although it's cause is poorly understood, it does not seem to be a serious threat to my health or my life.  Apparently, this is something that a lot of migraine sufferers also experience.  Check and check.

Armed with both the clinical name and the nickname of this symptom, I thought I'd try to learn more about it from others.  First, I posted about it in a Fibromyalgia group asking if others were dealing with this.  I also had a doctor appointment recently and brought it up to her.  What I found in both of these cases, is that this is not a well known symptom, even in the medical community.  Despite my explanations, people seemed to see or hear "headache" and go right into discussing migraine and other typical headache experiences and treatments.  

This is not something I am treating, other than applying pressure for a minute, because it comes and goes inside of five minutes.  The doctor had not heard of it either, and shared a personal story about her own troubling headaches that turned out to have an unexpected cause.  She suggested going to my primary doctor about it, but I'm not sure what help he would be if he hadn't heard of this either. I'll see how it goes.  It's only been a short time that this has been happening.  If it gets ridiculous, I'll check with the doctor.  I just hate going through all that to get a shrug and a guess.  I get enough of that with the Fibro.

Have you experienced these quick, minute-long "ice pick headaches"?  Have you been able to figure out a trigger or cause, or a way to prevent them?  Feel free to leave me a comment.

How Many Spoons Does A Party Cost?

My husband and I hosted a party a little over a week ago. My husband did most of the work and I got loads of help from my in-laws as well, yet I am still paying the price of standing too long and handling the chores I had. My feet are apparently still very angry with me as I'm dealing with a mild, but long-lasting bout of Delayed Pressure Urticaria (DPU).

In the mornings, I feel pain on the bottoms of my feet even before I move to get out of bed. I dread those first steps in the mornings! I'm sleepy a lot more lately, too, and I'm still trying to stay active and stretch, and my muscles are still crabby both about the exercises I do (sore) as well as the ones I didn't do (stiff).

It seems wrong to flare for so long after a happy event, but such is the Fibro beast that is just never happy. Even resting for most of Sunday seems to have made no impact. Yesterday was trying as well, as I froze in an overly chilled office while trying to juggle several high-priority projects through nausea and dizziness that somehow seems related to the freezing air at my desk. It's 84 degrees out and I'm sitting indoors in a sweatshirt, hugging my warm coffee mug to try to warm up my painfully cold mousing hand. I may need to bring a blanket today.

Stress and Asking for Help

Work stress and physical Fibro stress.

Work is very stressful for me at the moment.  There is much to do and so many people counting on me and my team to do what seems impossible.  A coworker called me "Superman" when he felt the stress of it all.  Although it came up when he confessed that everyone relies on me to understand and explain everything we work on, only because I didn't have an answer this particular time, I am flattered by the sentiment.  I guess I already knew I was secretly super.

Anyway, back to work stress  There are just so many factors - multiple projects, tight deadlines, new problems to figure out, new people involved, an extended absence from a key colleague - that make this a very difficult  and stressful time for me at work, even if I didn't have the additional burden of my chronic health problems to top it all off.  As we all know, I'm sure, emotional stress leads to physical stress on our fragile, fibro bodies.  I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night and could not stop thinking about work.  I felt worn out and down in the dumps about my inability to keep up with the crazy workload.  I must have sounded more upset than usual, as several, concerned coworkers noticed today and offered a kind ear.  No time for venting, though.  I had to press on.

Something I did learn today, though, is that it's really okay to ask for help.

When I finally accepted help with my top priority work today, I felt a lot better.  I mean LOADS!  Until then, I had dreaded having to admit that I needed help on this project that I was entrusted to wrap up rather quickly.  I imagined the worst-case scenarios, over and over in my head.  When emotions occupy my mind, I know from past events, that my logic degrades sharply.  The fatigue from too little sleep and pains that arise from that, also fog up my brain, preventing me from thinking clearly.  Can you relate?  I heard myself answering questions incorrectly, then correcting myself incorrectly.  I ended up sounding like I was lying, but I just could not find answers to the questions being asked.  It's a mess.

During the collaborative process, however, I felt my stressful feelings were validated because it was obvious that others realized just how daunting my task really is.  And, of course, the joint effort was also very helpful in getting me going in the right direction. We made progress figuring some of the challenges out together and forging a more specific plan for me.  After that, I was much better able to focus on the task at hand, rather than being distracted by the downward spiral of worrying and physical symptom flare-up.

I know it's difficult for some of us Type-A personalities to admit we need help, much less actually ASK for help from others when we really need it.  However, it's probably worth the risk of asking if you feel stuck in that ugly spiral.  I was lucky that help was being foisted upon me, despite my unfounded resistance.

I will work on recognizing the signs before it's too late, and remind myself that it's okay to ask for help.  Even Superman can't always do it alone.  That's why he's got Super Friends to help him out. ;)

Livin' La Vida Enferma

The life of a fibromite is riddled with setbacks.  And they always seem to be surprises, too.  You'd think I would expect the flare-ups and sick days, like today, but no.  I still have some crazy hope and idea that I'm able to overcome this lifelong condition.  Alas, I do realize that I am doomed to always live "the sick life".

Overall, I would still say I'm doing lots better than I was a few years back, especially in the early days, before and just after the official Chronic Myofascial Pain and Fibromyalgia diagnoses.  Back then, I did not know very much about these conditions, nor what affects them.  Today, six years after the incident that triggered it all, I have learned a lot about the conditions, the symptoms,  the treatments, and how my body behaves, including the flare-up triggers, and the things that seem to help me.  I now have a basis for maintaining some sort of basic, pseudo-normal lifestyle, complete with a full-time office job, marriage, vacations, hobbies, chores, and problems.  Although it's still very easy for me to forget how fragile that balance is.

Blame the fibrofog (which has really been oddly worse lately, or I'm more aware of it these days) or blame the hope I give myself when I see how much progress I've made with living with chronic health problems over the years.  I am frequently finding myself scratching my head over what caused the last flare-up.  Today is one of those times.

So, I've been doing my exercises, as you saw in the last post.  I've been eating lots of veggies, fruits, nuts, and good, healthy food.  I've been having my back massaged every couple of weeks to keep the tender points in check.  I've even taken a vacation recently to relieve stress.   Yet, here I am, with headache in my nose/face, aching in my bones, some more digestive issues, and fatigue.  Looking back, I remember complaining about a new pain that has crept up in my chest (I think Costochondritis), and the digestive stuff for a few weeks now, but I assumed that if I kept doing what I've been doing to stay healthy, that they would just pass quickly.  I guess the lesson learned today is that I cannot assume that in the future.  They are red flags that I need to remember to take seriously.

Knowing myself, I know I'll have to repeat this lesson.  It's extremely difficult for me to decide to stay home from work with so much going on there, just to try to stave off a flare, when I notice a slight worsening of my usual symptoms.  Yet, here I am, knowing that it's the right thing to do and paying the price (again) for deciding to push through the pain.  I think what I fear is never really knowing if a flare would have occurred if I ignored the signs.

For example, I noticed more IBS problems than usual have been occurring for the past few days.  Let's say I make the conscious decision to take a day off work to rest and treat the symptoms.  I feel better by that afternoon.  Then I feel guilty for staying home and not going to work.  But this is where that logic fails. Had I not taken the day off, I would find myself at work, trying to subtly attend to my IBS symptoms between meetings and obligations, stressing, rushing, and making things worse, which would eventually trigger a flare-up of more Fibromyalgia symptoms.  I would not be maintaining my pleasant demeanor at the office, causing more stress from the damage to my work relationships (true story, by the way).  The next day, my body shuts down on me and I am forced to stay home because I cannot function.  Thus, today's predicament.

Damn this lunacy!  I know better and need to remember better.  I need to realize that admitting that I'm noticing a flare-up is not some kind of blow to my ego.  I am doing my best and sometimes it's not enough for the fibrobeast.  I just need to let go of that and do what I know is best: rest.

I've read so many articles and blog posts about this problem.  I will think about this more and hopefully plant a seed in my brain about being more aware about the delicate balance between being a high-functioning fibromite, and the Mack truck version of me.  I'll try to come up with something that will remind me of the right thing to do at the right time.

How are you handling your Fibro flares?  Are you reading this and nodding empathetically, or have you got a method that helps prevent disaster for you?  I'd love to read your comments on this topic.

The Fragile Balance of Activity

I'm finding myself ever entangled in the grasp of life's endless supply of tasks.  Why is there so much to do?  Is there, really?  Am I creating work where I don't need to?  Perhaps I'm giving in to my overly ambitious, Type-A personality and setting my goals too high.  That could mean I'm feeling better and more like a normal (Type-A) person than a sick person.  Yeah, that's it.  I'll take that as a good thing.  Yay me!

Anyway,  I just wanted to pop in here and let you know I'm still stretching, still exercising, still eating my yummy salads, still drinking water and homemade fruit smoothies, and still doing mostly better, overall.  However, I have recently had my body remind me that I'm still a fibromite, no matter how well I've been assimilating into society.  It can be easy to forget I'm not normal while maintaining at whatever level of pain management I can achieve.  

For example, I did just an hour or so of weeding and planting in my native garden last Saturday morning.  As soon as I finished and came back inside to clean up and rest, I realized all the pains I'd been ignoring to get the work done.  As a result, my body has been holding onto a grudge against me for 4 days now, as revenge for that hour of work.  I'm only today feeling some relief in my feet and lower back, but it's still not down to my usual level yet.  My hamstrings are still very tight.  Just leaning forward makes the soreness behind my knees escalate.  But I'll be okay.  I just have to get through this and remember the lesson for next time I'm tempted to ignore my good sense and overdo.

Here's an interesting observation related to overdoing: when I push myself and do about half an hour or so of moderate activity, my body isn't just tired and achy afterwards; I get really sleepy, regardless of the time of day.  I like to take 20- or 30-minute walks around the neighborhood in nicer weather, but afterwards - boom!  I'm sleepy and dead tired.  Much of Saturday after gardening was spent recuperating on the couch, a la sick day, watching television for distraction from the pain.

I'm hoping you are finding a balance between too much and too little activity.  It's been 6 years now and I'm still trying to figure out mine.  But hey, those who continue to learn things into adulthood remain forever young, right?  Keep learning.

Weird Myofascial Knots, Flare-Up

Last week and even the week before, I had some very strange knots that appeared in my upper, right shoulder blade/back area.  They seemed to have spread havoc to many other areas, including my head, neck, back, and hips.  There were a few days of forced rest starting last week Sunday.  I am not sure what triggered this.  I seemed to have been doing great for many months now, mostly, until the Mirena installation in February.  Then I had a painful mammogram done in March that probably didn't help matters.  It seems a bit far-fetched that these two, painful but quick procedures could have ruined such a great run, but with Fibro, you can never tell what might lead to a flare-up.  Perhaps the weather and some other factors may have combined into a perfect storm or something.  I do still strive to eat more produce and choose healthy foods more often than indulgences.

Anyway, I've been using my TheraCane massager a lot, which seems to help ease the knots and referring pains a bit.  I also did some yoga at home to see if it would help, since it usually helped a lot when I went to yoga class with pains.  I had to take a couple of days off unpaid to rest last week, but I'm sure not driving and having to think about work was the right thing to do.  I'm due for my biweekly massage tomorrow.  Last time, there we so many awful lumps and knots along the right side of my back, I couldn't believe it, but it did explain all the pain and problems I'd been experiencing lately.

Oddly, I think the fibro fog is still affecting me, since I managed to make two mistakes that added a lot of unnecessary driving/car riding time both yesterday and the day before.  Nothing major, but stupid mistakes nonetheless.  Long car trips are a little tough on me because of the immobility, but I think the stress of the mistake was also contributing a bit to my pains.

I'm still doing my best to keep up the hip stretches, stair climbing, and other activity to help keep my muscles warm, loose, and healthy.  I'm a little frustrated though, that despite my climbing 4 floors of steps every work day, at least once a day, but usually twice a day, since early February is still all I can do at one time.  I expected to be able to progress and do 5 floors after a few weeks, but I still get very fatigued at the third floor, then push myself to do the fourth and final floor, sometimes stopping or going very slowly, just to make it.  I literally feel like I have used up all the energy available in my legs by the time I'm at the fourth floor up.

Another weird thing I notice while climbing stairs is that my mind frequently gets confused and I frequently almost miss a step but luckily hesitate to prevent falls.  Does this happen to other fibromites? I'm hanging onto the rails and going slowly, but every once in a while, it's like a skip or a glitch in my brain and I'm unsure what my foot will do and if I'll land the next step properly.  This is while I'm looking at the stairs because I cannot risk not looking.  I also don't go down on the stairs because my knees buckle too frequently.  I am on the disabled list at work to skip fire drills.  With an entire building of people rushing me, I would surely fall if I tried descending 8 floors of stairs.  On top of that, I can't risk a flare up from the stupid drill.  If my life was in danger, I'm sure I could manage to go down the steps because it would be worth a flare-up to survive, but for drills, I'm not risking a flare.

In other news, I've begun to revise my WRAP and the more I worked on it, the more I've been completely rethinking the structure of it.  When I'm done, I hope to have a simpler, easier to read format, but there is just so much information and detail that I keep getting stuck and making the revisions more sweeping, which is delaying the progress.  I've set a goal to get this done by the end of the year, but I've also set a lot of other goals for this year, so I don't want to arrive in December with a mad, impossible scramble to get things done.  That would be creating stress, and I'm not about that at all.  I do realize I've taken on a lot of goals, but I think it can be done.  If not, I'll have learned something about my abilities and scale things back for next year's goals.

The weather is finally looking more like Spring this weekend.  I hope you're all doing reasonably well and looking forward to some warmer weather.

One last note, if you donated to my friend's dental fund, THANK YOU!  You are wonderful for donating!  Also, if you shared a link to the campaign with your friends or readers, THANK YOU!  You are great to help someone in need.

If you haven't done either of these things, please consider doing one or both.  Do something nice for someone less fortunate.  Doing something nice for someone is therapeutic and can make you feel good.  I do what I can to help you all by sharing details about my life.  This is a great way for you all to pay it forward and feel good about helping my friend Dee (aka "Line") get her teeth fixed so she can eat.  Many chronic conditions, medications, stress, and poverty have caused her teeth to get loose or damaged and she is unable to eat much solid food, which is further hurting her overall health.  She's been through hell and it's not even over if she can get these teeth fixed.

Even a small contribution or even just sharing the link is really very helpful for her cause.  A donation of just one dollar is very much appreciated, and you can remain anonymous if you like.  You can also skip the fund and donate via PayPal if you have an account.  Here is a link to her GoFundMe campaign with all the details.  She's also updated with a few videos that explain her situation a bit.  I would be very grateful if you can show just a little love and do something for my dear friend, Dee.  Although she is very giving, she hates to ask for help, but this is really her last hope.  Please give it some thought and see if you can help her in any way.  Earn some good karma for yourself.  THANK YOU!

FMS and the Mirena IUD

WARNING: This post is about birth control.  There is a lot of detail here that you may or may not be interested in reading.  I wanted to post the details of my experience, in case they help other women out there who are also interested in the Mirena IUD, especially those with fibromyalgia.   No companies sponsor my posts or pay me for anything I say, so you can trust my opinions to be true and objective.  I know some bloggers earn a living from their ads and sponsors, which is fine, but I do not.  I kinda hate that, so I only link to or endorse whatever I like and trust to be good.  You're welcome.

When my blood pressure was not dropping to normal after many months off of Savella, my gynecologist ordered me off Seasonique because the estrogen in it could be contributing to the high blood pressure.  So, I quit taking last October and thought about alternative birth control methods.  At the doctor's suggestion, I did some research and eventually decided to go with the Mirena IUD.  It contains hormones, but not estrogen.  I found out my insurance plan covered the cost, save for a $25 co-pay, which is lots less expensive than the pills which are not covered at all under my insurance plan, for some reason.

There are few key things to know about Mirena, if you are interested.

1. It's an IUD with hormones, but it does not contain estrogen.
2. The IUD is inserted by a doctor in the office, as a quick, outpatient procedure.
3. Getting an IUD inserted is easier for the patient during her period (days 1-7), but can be placed at other times, if necessary.
4. Many women on Mirena have fewer, lighter, or shorter periods, and for many women, periods stop altogether.  (I've got my fingers crossed for the last one!)
5. Getting an IUD placed is easier for women who have given vaginal birth to 1 or more children (or any other cervix-dilating procedure such as D&C, abortion, etc.).
6. Once placed, Mirena is effective for 5 years of birth control, and it is highly effective (almost 100%).
7. Most women have no side effects, but some women do have some side effects.
8. Maintenance after placement consists of a follow-up visit with ultrasound to confirm proper placement after the first month, then checking the strings monthly, and getting regular doctor check-ups yearly.

This is what I learned online and from the product literature.  I also visited groups and forums where women described their various experiences with Mirena.  While writing this post, I even found an entire blog about one woman's experience with Mirena. Here's another blog with lots of terrible stories from various Mirena users.

It seemed that many women loved it and some even had a second one inserted after 5 years on the first one.  But others hated it because they got a lot of side effects, like weight gain, mood disorders, etc.  They were very, very angry and wanted nobody else to experience what they had.  Although, while reading some of the detailed negative posts, I suspected at least some of the unlucky women had other issues that may have contributed to their symptoms or perhaps they should have mentioned to their doctors before deciding to go on Mirena.  (Think about it.  If a mom of 2 young kids is getting Mirena because she is terribly afraid of getting pregnant again, and she's mentioning her husband being unhelpful in her rant, she's stressed already, with or without Mirena.)  I think they had untreated or undiagnosed conditions that did not manifest until they went on Mirena, because many of them did not seem to have been on any hormonal treatment before Mirena.

I liked the benefits and low cost of Mirena, but knew that there was a possibility that I might have some horrific side effects myself, since I seem to be sensitive to many medications, and because I have this damned Fibromyalgia.  However, since I'd been on one hormonal birth control treatment or another for at least 10 years now, I was willing to find out, rather than wonder about it for the rest of my life.  If it doesn't work out, I could always have it removed and switch to a non-estrogen pill or other method.

So, my first challenge was to wait for a period.  As I mentioned, I have not been off birth control pills for a very long time, but I do remember not having regular ones.  They tended to be occur at anywhere from 5 to 7 to even 9 weeks between periods, and they were always kind of miserable, which is why reducing and predicting them with Seasonique worked so well for me all these years.  So, in October, after the initial period that came with stopping Seasonique, I switched to the estrogen-free Jolivette "mini-pill", not realizing until a month later, that there were no "dummy" pills for the period in these packs.  They are meant to be taken continuously with periods that may or may not happen, and if they do, with no real predictability.  For me, nothing happened.  (Doctor, why didn't you mention this when you prescribed it?)

By Thanksgiving, I had already decided on and ordered Mirena and it was shipped to my doctor's office, waiting for my period to arrive so I could schedule the insertion.  I realized after no period came that I would be waiting a long time if I stayed on Jolivette, so I quit that and switched to condoms.  It was a little inconvenient but I wanted to get going on the Mirena project already.

So then it was nothing all month until late evening on Christmas Eve, the floodgates opened and the period was on.  However, timing was absolutely terrible for getting Mirena.  The next day was a holiday, and the rest of the week, I had travel plans.  I had to wait another month or so for the next opportunity.  Everything I'd read was about getting the thing inserted during the period, especially for someone like me with no babies or anything dilating my cervix.  So, I waited.

You know how a watched pot never boils?  When you actually wait for your period, it's an agonizingly long wait.  All of January came and went without much more than a spot or two.  On February 5th, I had a bit more spotting than usual and called the doctor's office, indicating that I'm not sure what's going on, or if this is it or not, but wanted to make an appointment while something was happening.  Luckily, a mere few minutes after making a Thursday appointment for Mirena insertion, the floodgates opened again and confirmed the period had arrived. 

The nurse told me it would be a quick, 10-minute procedure to get the IUD installed, and that I'd be fine to go to work afterwards.  Nothing to it.  Easy-peazy.  I scheduled a half-day with the morning off work.  I remember being told to take a pain medication (I took Aleve) before the appointment.  Then she mentioned it would be done by a different doctor from the one I see.  I figured my doctor wasn't available, so, no big deal.  I was all set for Thursday morning and excited to finally have this ordeal taken care of and behind me.  I was eager to find out if this solution would work for me.

When my appointment finally arrived, I met the new doctor (new to me), he assured me that he'd been installing IUDs for 30 years now, and that he would take good care of me.  He was friendly and courteous, and the nurse was also very nice and helpful.  I still missed my own doctor (because she knows me and I know her), but I figured this should not be too big a deal.  Maybe she's not so experienced with these things.  I'm probably better off, I reasoned.

So, the doctor explained all the details, showed me the product, and we got started.  He warned me when things would feel uncomfortable or crampy, just like my regular doctor.  He said he had to first measure the uterus, which would feel crampy, then the insertion was to feel crampy again.  Then a snip of the strings and I'd be all done.  It sounded a lot like the yearly check-ups with my regular gynecologist.  I was not at all ready for the level of pain that I experienced.

The crampy feeling from this was a thousand times more intense than I'm used to feeling during yearly exams.  Why did nobody online warn me of this terribly painful experience?  Maybe it wasn't this bad for most people?  Maybe I didn't read all the right posts.  I do have Fibromyalgia, which can amplify even non-painful pressure as awful pains.

I was embarrassed to be unable to prevent my yelling "ow" during the procedure.  I noticed also that my face felt really hot all of a sudden.  Then I felt weird and a wave of cold sweat came on.  I described it to my doctor, in case he needed to know.  He knew what it was and didn't seem too surprised, but he and the nurse both seemed concerned, despite my joking a bit to let them know that I'm not a big baby.  I knew there'd be discomfort, and I assumed it was just a temporary problem that I'd get over, which helped me keep my spirits up.  They gave me some juice to sip to feel a little better and were very nice to me.

The doctor felt bad about the pain and apologized for making me hurt.  I knew he didn't mean to.  He explained that I had a vasovagal response, which "some women" get during this kind of procedure.  I had never heard of this term before, but they explained and it seemed reasonable.  I'd look it up once I was out of there, I decided.  The nurse and the doctor were both very repeatedly clear about letting me know that I could lie there as long as I needed to before getting dressed, since the room would not be needed for many hours.  I asked the nurse why everyone was so concerned about me and asked if they thought I would faint or something.  She said yes.  I was also very pale, apparently, so I guess all the blood wanted to leave my head, which could lead to a fainting spell.  I told her I'd never fainted, so maybe that helped me this time.

I sipped on my juice and tried to relax for a bit, alone in the room, but I didn't feel comfortable lying on the table half-naked for so long.  So I slowly got up and got dressed, but felt very crampy, so I still needed to sit for a while.  Then I was in a hurry to leave because I suddenly felt the need to use the bathroom, so I checked out and spent some time in the rest room.  I was supposed to get to work for the afternoon, but as I slowly made my way to my car, I realized it wasn't worth it to work in this much distracting pain.  I headed home instead and notified my boss that I couldn't come in after all.  I did not want to move at all for the rest of the day and the next.  (I had to call in sick again the next day, Friday.)  I parked on the couch with a heating pad on my belly, just enduring the constant cramping and trying to think about the future, when the pain would be gone.  By Saturday, I finally felt better.

Since then, I have not had much of a problem with Mirena.  Cramping has been minimal and intermittent after that, but mostly non-existent.  Spotting is minimal.  The strings seem to be okay and not interfering with anything.  I checked for them and was relieved to find that they are thin, short, and tucked away into a corner near the cervix, where they do not cause any discomfort for me or my husband.  I have developed some strange outbreak of acne around the back of my neck and scalp, but it started back when I had quite Seasinique and was not yet on Mirena.  I am hoping that will clear up after the hormonal stuff settles in for the long haul.  I worried more about it when I didn't make the connection to the hormones.


My one-month check-up with ultrasound is scheduled for 3/11/13, and I suspect everything will go fine.  So far, the worst of it was the day of insertion and the day after.  I'm glad for that and hoping the good news will continue.

On a side note, I've been dealing with a lot of long-forgotten Fibromyalgia symptoms lately, which seemed strange, since I'd been doing so well since taking better care of my body with a healthier diet and more exercise.  I didn't put this together until just recently, but I suspect the painful insertion, vasovagal response or/and the lack of activity for those crampy two days may have triggered a fibro flare.  In the past few weeks, I was having severe pains and couldn't figure out why they were lingering for days after doing so much better with my Fibromyalgia symptoms.

All in all, I think Mirena is working well for me, after paying the higher "Fibro cost" of all the insertion pain and fibro flare up symptoms.  I'm hoping that in 5 years, I'll be ready to face the challenge a little better by expecting to cramp up for a couple days and deal with a fibro flare for a few weeks afterwards.  It's nice not to have to worry about condoms or pills, though, to be honest, I didn't really mind taking pills so much.  What I did mind was the outrageous cost of the pills.  Since my insurance is pretty much covering the entire cost of Mirena, I'm happy to have this option.

Success! ...and Stress

To follow up on my last post, I have been pretty good about not "cracking" my right wrist for the past month.  I caught myself on a few occasions, but I think the month has mostly allowed me to break the habit. I still need to pay attention to maintain and not slip back into old habits because it seems to have made a difference in the lightning nerve pains I'd been having in my right forearm.  I cannot recall having any episodes in my right forearm during the past month.

This little experiment is by no means conclusive with regard to a cause and effect.  I realize one month is not a large enough sample time to conclude the not cracking (much) prevents nerve pain, since the episodes can be very infrequent for any number of reasons.  However, it's enough incentive for me to keep trying to not crack and keep watching for other correlations.  Besides, who wouldn't prefer to having some sort of control over these wacky symptoms to just taking whatever luck provides?

That said, I know that my neck, back, shoulders, ankles, and knees all still crack, even if I try not to.  I'll still be as good as I can be about avoiding it if I can.  (Sometimes it hurts if I don't crack my back or neck.)

In other news, my work life has become unbelievably stressful in the past month.  I know it's serious because I'm having asthma attacks at work in addition to all the unpleasantness.  I'm on the brink of breaking down mentally from the pressures put upon me.  I almost had a nervous breakdown during my lunchtime yoga session today!  I would have thought yoga would help, but failing at all the demanding poses just added to my frustrations.  I kept it together by realizing I couldn't easily justify a breakdown to my classmates.  "It's just yoga!" I imagined they'd say.  And they're right.  Yoga, of all things, should not contribute to my stress, and it most certainly should not be allowed to be the straw that broke Benia's back!  After pondering the ridiculousness of it all, I managed to get through it and deal.  I knew I'd be better as soon as I'd gotten through it all and feel the accomplishment.  I did notice a lot of muscle tension and cramping today, though.  Probably due to the work stresses.

I know it's not right to let it affect me like this, but somehow I've gotten myself stuck in a terrible situation where I'm juggling several high-priority projects all at once and the rest of my team is doing the same.  Personally, I think my boss has lost his marbles about what is physically possible, but how does one go about addressing this with the person who controls one's income and other important things?  On paper, yeah - you go to your stressful person and say, hey, please lay off on the stressful stuff please.  In reality, there's a lot of apprehension about doing that, worry about doing it wrong, worry about consequences that affect not only myself but others.  Ugh...  I will have better days.  I just have to believe in that.

I'm doing what I can with what I've got for now.  Hopefully I'll live to post another day...

The Mack Truck is Back

So I had two good weeks without many symptoms, feeling good and in control of things with diet and exercise happening and everything.  Then Monday, something started up and I'm flaring up for some reason.  Was I too greedy with doing things while feeling good that I triggered a flare by being too active and not resting?

Last night I was awake all night.  Not so much as a nap came over me - all flippin' night.  I tried relaxing in bed with ear plugs, without ear plugs, tried lying on my back, my sides, tried thinking of pleasant things.  Nothing.  Hours and hours of stressful thoughts about various things going on at work that have been bothering me lately kept creeping back into my mind and and I could not fall asleep.  The stress broke me.  I don't know what it is about the middle of the night, but I felt so hopeless and frustrated.  I moved to the couch and read blog posts in my Google Reader on my phone to try to take my mind off things, since I'd given up on sleep.  Forget work today.  There's just no way.  I am a wreck.  I took a much-needed sick day.

It seems my abdominal area is tender and painful lately, mostly near the left side.  Air bubbles or ulcers  - I don't know any more.  It doesn't seem to matter what I eat, unless the tiny bits of apple I found in yesterday's fruit started something, but I picked them out.  (I'm allergic to raw apple skins.)    I just feel crappy.  Then there's the back spasm in my right side that came back to life.   Even the hydrocodone I took at bed time wasn't helping that.  I wonder if the medication kept me up instead of making me drowsy.  Side effects don't always make sense in my body. 

I've been trying to stay on this side of the sane/crazy borderline, but last night I think I wandered over the line a bit.  My mental state seems back in good enough order, but my body is stuck in physical disarray at the moment, and notice that it affects my thinking a bit.

As always, when I stay home due to illness, I can't help but feel the invisible pressure of all those chores and tasks I have to do.  There is some compromise where I go and do a couple of easy things, but I have a hard time just resting, which is what I need to be doing.  For instance, I have been meaning to update my WRAP and wish I would do that, but I know I should not be at the computer too long with this spasm screaming at me.  I washed up our farm veggies (we have them delivered weekly from a local CSA, Wellhausen Farms) and made a healthy salad for lunch, but it took a very long time, and I was tempted to just grab something like cereal and leave it all undone.  Despite all the healthy ingredients in my salad today, my belly is also complaining again and uncomfortable.  I folded some laundry, too, because I knew it would nag at me if I didn't.  Despite my fatigue, I cannot rest easily at all.  This is one of the common frustrating symptoms of Fibromyalgia.

I hate that I can feel so great, then shitty, so quickly.  It makes me feel bipolar in some ways.  I was hoping I could coast through the summer feeling almost like a normal.  I guess I had forgotten my limitations again and overdone it with activities.  I will learn from this flare, just like with every flare, but I'm not enjoying this lesson.  Ugh.  Time for me to lie down.  I hope my next post is more fun than this one.

Yogurt for Breakfast, Yoga for Lunch

Despite my continuing, daily IBS moments, I had a great time visiting the French Quarter of New Orleans last week!  This was my third trip to the Quarter, my last one in May of 2005, before Hurricane Katrina hit.  Luckily, things are pretty much the same again, though we noticed some of the smaller one-off businesses were replaced by those owned by one or more other businesses.  Anyway, the food was delicious and there was plenty to drink as well.  We are older now, so we had to cut back to just two meals per day.  (I don't know how we used to do it eating all day long!)  There was a lot of walking to do as well, and though Don worried I wouldn't be up to it, I made an extra effort to prove him wrong.  I needed breaks, of course, but I still had a fun time!  We took the train this time, too - a new experience for both of us.  It was more fun than driving and less annoying than going through security at the airport.  (We're boycotting the airlines until they stop being ridiculous to the passengers about all this TSA bullshit.)  It was a long ride and both ways we traveled through the night.  Sleeping on a train - let me rephrase that - TRYING to sleep on a train is not as much fun, but we survived and enjoyed the new experience. 

Now the party's over and it's back to work and back on track with the healthy diet.  I feel fatter then when I left, but hey, I was on vacation.  Lack of stress is worth a weight-loss setback in my book.

I'm back in Calorie Count's Calorie Camp and logging my foods and studying my nutritional intake.  Today, I started my day with a fun yogurt mix.  At my house, we like to minimize waste and buy the large yogurt containers and get either plain or vanilla flavor.  When it comes time to have some, we dress up dinners with plain wherever sour cream might be called for, or mix in some fruit or preserves for a sweet snack.  I cut up a peach into a bowl, added some French Vanilla Stonyfield Farm yogurt, and sprinkled in some generic Grape Nuts for a fun breakfast.  I'm still dealing with this darn IBS flare-up (no break during vacation either, unfortunately) so I'm hoping the probiotics and occasional yogurt will help calm things down eventually.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason to what causes my symptoms to flare-up or calm down.  I'm speculating something slower or cumulative, multiple triggers are doing something, but it's so hard to pin it all down.

In addition to healthy diet efforts, I started my very first yoga session today, at lunchtime.  (Note: my fibromyalgia doctor has recommended that I try some yoga and start slowly.)  My employer has coordinated with a yoga instructor to come visit our building every Wednesday (starting last week, so I missed that first session) and welcome us to an hour-long session during our lunch hour.  I had done yoga at home years before I developed Fibromyalgia, Chronic Myofascial Pain, or IBS, or any of my other current health issues, but this was my first yoga class.  It was good.  I felt the work in muscles that aren't used to doing that much work.  I shook and did some sweating.  (Unfortunately, there are no shower facilities so I did my best with a change of clothes, a wet wipee "wash" and some deodorant.)  I kept up with most of the poses and even opted for some of the extra challenge poses, but I did have to fall back on others here and there.  I had the most trouble with my wrists after all the push-ups and hand support, but hopefully, I'll build up some strength over time.  Overall, I'm happy with the convenience of the class and being able to enjoy it with my coworkers as well.  The cost is $10 per session, which seems reasonable to me for the convenient scheduling.  Our instructor was also nice and helpful in correcting posture when necessary.  I'm looking forward to the next one.

I didn't have my traditional Whole Foods buffet salad today because of yoga today, but I planned ahead yesterday while there, and bought some self-mixed trail mix and a few nut/fruit bars I'd been meaning to try.  I also brought a banana to work today.  They all helped to keep me full and give me good nutrition with some fun flavors, while allowing me to graze while working. 

I did, however, make the mistake of eating before the yoga session, though, which I did because I was hungry and wasn't thinking, but... NOTE TO SELF: when you have IBS that seems to act up whenever eating anything, be mindful of the timing of any activities that may keep you from a toilet.  I managed to finish things up in time, but it was kind of close, and I felt a little off on the way to class.  Next time I'll work out hungry and eat later.  See?  Learning.  It's all good.  I like progress, even slow progress.  Anything's better than that downward spiral that can suck you down.  I'm working hard to avoid that.

Great Overview Video of FMS

Today I came across a great video.  It's a doctor giving a presentation about Fibromyalgia.  He describes what it is, what it isn't, how it's diagnosed, how it's treated, what patients experience, how Fibromyalgia pain has been studied and measured to be different than in other people.  There are detailed descriptions of many topics and lots of tips on treatment (especially non-drug treatments) and I even learned a few things.  At the very least, my foggy brain was reminded of things I'd forgotten I knew.

As I watched, I found this video to be a useful educational tool for both Fibromyalgia patients and their loved ones alike.  Direct people who are confused about FMS to this video, especially to certain areas relevant to the questions that perhaps you cannot find the right words to explain.  It's an hour and a half long, so if they really want to know, they'll watch.  That said, you may need to take breaks and watch it in manageable chunks.  I also suggest keeping a pad and pen nearby, for any notes you may want to jot down for yourself. There is also a question-and-answer segment at the end as well with questions from the audience. 

I've been diagnosed for over four years now, and have been experiencing chronic pain for over five years.  Having read and learned so much since then about Fibromyalgia, I must say that watching this overview was a great review that kind of puts all the pieces together nicely. 

I realize, though, that not all aspects of the condition are mentioned in this presentation.  For instance, pacing and stress are briefly mentioned, but not given as much time as they might deserve, if relating the portion of time in the video vs. importance in a fibromite's world.  He also doesn't go into great detail about every last symptom that might be grouped into the syndrome, though he picks several of the big ones.  This is a pretty detailed overview of the condition with what we know about it now.   Hopefully we will learn more in the coming years about the cause and better ways to treat or (dare to dream) cure it.

I hope you enjoy this video and learn something from it.  Share as needed.  I also hope that friends and family members of Fibromyalgia patients, and perhaps others in the medical community or general population, will watch at least some portion of this video and try to understand this confounding syndrome which, even Dr. Gross admits, doesn't really belong in any particular medical category because it affects everything.

Fibromyalgia: It's Real It's Manageable What You Can Do

Feeling Pretty Good

Just wanted to post quickly that I've been sleeping much better lately, and have not been experiencing so much pain as my previous "usual" most days.  I've had twitches and headaches and the odd pains here and there (like what's with this TMJ soreness in the right side today and yesterday?), and still get fatigued somewhat easily, but with some pacing and caution, I seem to be doing okay at the moment.  It's hard to remember to notice the days when I'm not dealing with 17 strange pains or other symptoms, but I do believe that it's important to stop and appreciate the absence of symptoms, whichever ones they may be.

Today, I was reminded of the back pain I would typically experience during any given day when I had a sudden, sharp, muscle spasm today at work.  It made me realize that I'd been working more days, and have been feeling more "human" recently.  By that I mean that I can smile, I can walk at a reasonable pace most of the time, and I can talk to people about various topics without being constantly distracted by various pains and discomfort and my next move to try to relieve it.  As a caution, I took a half-tablet of a muscle relaxant and moved around a little.  It seems to have helped, but I feel it wanting to stage a coup.  My awareness of it lurking there will remind me to continue move around a little more than usual to prevent it from flaring up, hopefully.  I've learned so much from my years of dealing with these random symptoms!

This is reminding me, once again, of a task I've been putting off for a while now: update my WRAP.  My WRAP is my "Wellness Recovery Action Plan" and in it, I have details about how to proceed, when my fibro-fogged brain forgets, when I recognize a trigger for a flare-up, a mild flare-up, a major flare-up, and everything in between.  What has worked for me and what hasn't?  This is my reference for me and anyone in my household who may need help figuring out what to do when things happen to a chronic pain sufferer like myself.  It's good to have one just for yourself, too.  But definitely keep it in sight, or it will escape you in moments of need.  Take it from me.  I have forgotten, plenty of times, what I should do next during times of crisis.

Once I make the updates, I'll be sure to share with you all so you can create your own reference.  Having to update the information feels like a kind of a graduation of sorts.  I had limited experience with Fibromyalgia when I first wrote it, but now that I've kind of been around the block and figured out my body a little better, it's time to improve it with more current information.

Things are busy at work, as always, and life at home is plenty busy as well.  I do, however, feel like I am able to do more around the house lately.  My personal to-do list, however, is not getting much shorter for some reason.  I wonder if part of the reason I'm feeling better is that I'm forcing myself to do less after a long workday.  I may have to test that theory out and see if doing one or two things in the evening is safe for me to do.  My energy limits seem to be a moving target, so this will be an experiment.

I'm going to follow my own advice and do just one thing on my list tonight. Wish me luck!

Terrible Weekend

I finally made it into work today after spending the last three and a half days in bed.  I am tempted to think I jinxed myself with my last post, turning my frown upside-down on Friday.  Something happened to me right after lunch Friday and it was just a very bad weekend-plus-a-day for me.

It started with explosive diarrhea.  (Hey, shit happens.  It's my forum and I'm going to be frank here, so I hope you can handle it.  That's about as TMI as I'm going to get for this one, though.)  I spent a lot of time in the bathroom Friday afternoon dealing with that.  I finished up my work day and drove myself home, exhausted.  Once I got home, I was relieved and planted myself directly into bed with all the covers over me in my clothes. I was cold and I couldn't seem to warm up, though I don't think I had a fever because I never felt hot or unbearably chilled, just cold.  I probably warmed up some, though, because my chest hived out in a rash. 

Cholinergic urticaria rash on my chest, from my own body heat

For a minute I thought I was allergic to something I ate - maybe soy, maybe sushi - but after I thought about it, I realized that I get heat rashes like this.  I have cholinergic urticaria. My stomach felt beaten up so I didn't eat dinner.

Saturday morning, I tried breakfast, thinking I might need some nutrition, but I developed crampy, abdominal pain soon after eating, so I avoided eating much Saturday and just continued to rest and drink water while staying social with online activities via my smartphone.  I had a small, simple dinner of peanut butter and banana on bread, which was small and not too hard on my belly.

Sunday, I woke up with a headache.  It was the icky kind that I had a few weeks back, when my blood pressure was through the roof and my nose was leaking blood because it apparently had nowhere else to go but out a hole in my head.  I wasn't sure what to think.  My belly was a bit better, but my head wanted to pull me into the center of the Earth and flatten me.  I'm almost finished weaning off Savella, so I didn't know if it was a withdrawal symptom, a side effect from still being on it, or unrelated to it and maybe all about Friday's possibly tainted lunch.

I was useless and laid in bed.  I couldn't even imagine reading or looking at my phone for fun activities.  I was miserable.  I tried to relax and sleep.  I managed to nap, but only after those all-too-familiar starts to fully awakened consciousness, even before ever falling asleep.  This was happening in the pre-sleep stage.  I don't know what that is.  There was no noise, no dream, no reason for these moments that I could understand.  I guess something in my body really flips out when I try to sleep when it doesn't want me to.  When I got to sleep, I dreamt something irritating that made me feel a little cranky and remember awakening suddenly - for nothing.  Again, there was no startling moment in the dream or any noises to wake me.  It was all some internal burst of WAKE THE HELL UP NOW that I cannot comprehend.

Anyway, by Sunday night, I was able to enjoy a great home-cooked dinner made by my husband and didn't feel sick to my stomach afterwards.  At least I had that victory.  I also thought my headache was on its way out, but it seems to feel temporarily better WHILE eating, but then comes back again after I'm finished eating.  What is that?

At any rate, I hoped Monday morning I'd be all set without a headache and ready to work.  No dice.  Woke up feeling awful!  I gave up hope of going to work when I realized I couldn't fathom moving from the bed.  I wanted my headache to fade away, but it was very slow to do so and stuck around through the night.

This morning, the headache was small enough for me to move around a lot better, so I went to work.  I wasn't quite myself, though, but I notice that being around people helps me forget a bit and allows me to become distracted by work or personal chit chat or stories.  I also noticed that my voice decided to leave me.  If the past is any indication, my vocal cords atrophied from disuse over the past three days and now I sound like some kind of elderly smoker.  I will try not to let it bother me and just keep using it, so it can strengthen.  In the past, I mentioned how awful my voice had gotten but people always say they don't notice, so I guess I shouldn't worry.  Could be worse, I guess.

So, I'm on the mend from whatever the heck happened Friday, wasted a weekend resting and not having any quality time with my husband, but at least didn't have to take more than one day off work to deal with it. I'm also progressing toward my last dose of Savella, which will be on the morning of March 9th, if all goes well.  In addition, I've been learning lots about Lyme Disease and a possible connection to Fibromyalgia, and will be posting more about that soon.  There is lots to learn, but it is worth looking into.  If Lyme is causing my Fibro, I can at least try the treatment that has cured many already.  Stay tuned for more on that.

Thanks for sticking with me through this detailed post!

Feeling Lame

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, yet again, but despite my best efforts, my sleep has been ridiculously scant and superficial for the past month, even when I use the new ear plugs.  I still like them for tuning out the noise, but apparently noise is not the only trigger that wakes me. 

For instance, the other night, I slept and dreamt, but woke up suddenly in the middle - well, at the apparent sudden END, I guess - of each dream, for no apparent reason.  No noise, no gasping for air, no falling or startle dream, nothing.  One second, in a creative story of my mind, next minute wide, fucking awake.  This must have happened about a hundred times that night. 

Each night is different, too.  Last night, for instance, I don't remember dreaming, but I slept for a few hours before my brain decided I shouldn't sleep for the rest of the night.  I woke up around 3am and finally got up after 4am to address some of the things popping into my mind.  I'm tired as all hell at the moment.  In fact, I left work early today because I couldn't function.  It's unseasonably warm today (60 degrees F for January in Chicagoland is very unusual) and that may or may not have anything to do with the fact that today my asthma has been the worst it's been in months, that I can recall.  I have been coughing and trying to breathe for hours, then noticed I was feeling faint, probably from the lack of oxygen getting to my brain. 

On top of that my face flushed up and felt like it was burning up (this is still about a daily occurrence) AND my nose started bleeding, right there in the office (another daily occurrence).  It was too much and I was starting to sense microsleeps occurring due to my sleep deficit.  I carefully drove home and I'm about to try and nap some of this crap away.  Savella is already making my heart beat way too fast and hard (100+ beats per minute at rest is not normal) but the rescue inhaler also makes me shakey and screw it up even more. 

In addition to the above, my lower back is having spasms for the past few days, despite my increased muscle relaxants, stretching, and a great massage treatment just yesterday.  However, the pain from that pales next to the nerve pain jolts I've been getting in the back of my right thigh for the past several days.  It's maddeningly sudden and severe every time. It makes me jump and/or gasp involuntarily, and I'm pretty good and not bringing attention to my pains in front of others.  I've been calling this sciatica, but really I don't know what it is.  I've been told my piriformis muscle is likely impinging on it, so I stretch when it occurs, to try to prevent further jolts.  It's difficult to say whether anything helps this - as it's so intermittent.  I get a similar pain in my forearm as well, and that's been acting up lately, too.

I wanted to write this all down while I'm feeling it so I can give my future self an accurate description of what went on today.  This is about all I can handle at the moment.  Stay tuned for an update of how great I'm feeling later (hopefully).  I will have better days.  I will have better days.  I will have better days...

Those Tight Fibro Muscles

I came across this About.com article about how to keep fibro muscles loose, which can be a challenge.  Just thought I'd share it here for you all to read and comment about it.

http://chronicfatigue.about.com/b/2011/12/02/loosening-up-your-muscles-with-fibromyalgia.htm

 I've been very stiff lately, and have been having lots of symptoms all at once.  I will need to see if I can vary my routine a bit to make a difference.

Stressing and Pacing with FMS

My last post showed you how I look when my face gets all hot and red. I've been noticing that's died down a bit now, thankfully, though I still notice hot flushes. Actually, maybe I'm just getting used to it and noticing it less, rather than the actual occurrences being reduced. At any rate, I don't always check how red I look now. I just wait it out and go about my business. I'm usually at work when it happens, so I have plenty of distractions.

Speaking of work (well, writing of work, I guess), it's been quite ridiculous with all the meetings, tight deadlines, and lots of work to do and no time to be at my desk to actually do it because of all the damned meetings! I am working on a new, very important project that is expected to be delivered in a few months and things are moving quickly on it. I guess that would be fine if it weren't for the other, usual work things that come up, and if I didn't have to deal with chronic health issues - all at the same time. In addition, there are other things going on in my life - loved ones with health issues and strained family relationships - that are adding to the stress pile.

The net effect of all this stress is that my body has been nagging me about taking a break. Meanwhile, I've been asking it to please wait for a better time to argue with me. Well, I give up. Today's the day. Okay, body? After I post this blog entry, I'm going to bed to rest. All day! That's going to have to do. I have too much going on to spare more than a day at a time. I also don't get paid for this time off, so I don't want financial stresses added to my pile. It's a bit of a catch-22 that way. Anyway, I'm willing to compromise with this day and see how long it gets me. Next week's work schedule is nuts all over again, so I'll have to be ready. If I'm not, there's going to have to be some rescheduling, I guess. It's nothing I haven't done before, but I really hate the feeling. I guess I need to get over that.

It's like I keep telling my friends: I can't help anyone else until I help myself. Remember the oxygen masks on the airplane. They instruct adults to put on their own masks first, then help their kids or others. If you faint, you can't help anyone. I try to picture that during times like this. I need to listen to my own advice more often. I'm still learning how to live with this fibrobeast.

Switching to Savella - Day 5

I've been working from home again today and I noticed the brain zaps are getting less frequent, perhaps because I've been at the computer most of the day. I'll take it, whatever the reason. My abdominal issues are still there on a low level, too, but I've been managing and trying not to listen to the gurgles or think about it too much.

Last night I noticed I felt this odd kind of restless, unsettled, discomfort feeling in my body. At first I couldn't find a comfortable position for my feet while watching TV, but then I realized I was trying to shake off some sort of vague feeling I couldn't name. I don't know if this is related to the drugs at all, but I'm noting it anyway because it's weird. I felt like I wanted to get away and go to bed, but when I did, the feeling followed me there, too. I am still having some of this now. I may need to try to move around more to distract my body.

I am getting better at handling the temperature issues, I think. Last night I was baking up some banana bread muffins even though the weather this week has been near the 100 degree mark with all kinds of cautions about it and everything. I managed to make the muffins and make some salad for dinner, too. I was tired, but I felt useful, which was good for my mental state.

I also went to bed without my jammy pants, though I still needed the shirt and socks. Plus I was okay with not being buried in the blanket. That's an improvement. I ended up waking up at 3am, though, with a headache and inability to get comfortable, so I didn't get much sleep. It may just be my normal insomnia combined with odd sleeping temperatures and other factors, like the headache and bellyache.  I got up at 4am when I realized sleep wouldn't be back so my husband could get some sleep.

The good news is that I managed to shower AND get dressed in real clothes today - not just swaddling clothes, like for the past few days. I even brushed and did my hair! It's almost like I'm a real person again. 

Then I went outside, picked up the mail, and looked around our yard a bit. Our poor plants are all so tired from the drought and heat, even though they are hardy natives, many of them prairie plants. Still, there was life to be found, though, while bumblebees, dragonflies, damselflies, cicadas, birds, and even baby bunnies all went about their business collecting food and doing whatever else they need to do in our little yard. After meandering our path for few minutes, I went back inside to get back to work. (The release looks like it might go well.)

I have not yet heard anything back from my doctor. :P

If all goes well tonight and tomorrow morning, I just might be able to drive into the office for work tomorrow. Won't that be something! No promises yet, though. There's no telling what's around the next corner when it comes to this kind of stuff. Stay tuned...

Exciting, New Flavors of Pain

First off, I'm happy to report that my bout of food poisoning has finally subsided.  :)

After being in constant and varying Fibromyalgia (FMS) & Chronic Myofascial (CMP) pain for almost 5 years now, I'm surprised to find that I'm still experiencing some new, unfamiliar pains.

Having declared (only recently) that I have finally graduated to the final stage of grief - acceptance of my chronic illnesses - I thought I'd figured out how my new, broken body works to some degree. Sure, it's still unpredictable, but understanding the unpredictability kind of helps it be more predictably unpredictable. Words fail me, but I hope you know what I mean. Come to think of it, since Fibro Fog is part of the new me, perhaps these pains aren't really new. Perhaps they are just pains I've had but don't recognize this time around. Perhaps I'd experienced these pains earlier, but I was too new at this chronic illness thing and didn't quite understand what it was. Heck, I'm not sure now, but I have a hunch it's got something to do with FMS or CMP.

At any rate, I'll try to describe how these weird pains feel...

Last night, I was sitting on the couch with Don, enjoying some evening TV. Suddenly, out of nowhere, my lower left pelvic region felt like shards of glass were trying to break through my abdomen to run around the house, screaming. It was abrupt and made me "ow!" out loud, confusing Don as to what he might have done this time. I reassured him that it was nothing he'd done and felt it again. It was odd. I was happy to find that it settled back in and left me alone for the rest of of the night.

Today, I started my day feeling like I'd been run over by a Mack truck, but I still don't know why. I slept, dreamt, and don't remember exerting myself too much lately. (Although who knows what my thresholds are these days?) Eventually, I crawled into the shower and spent far too long trying to make the peppermint Dr. Bronner's soap wake me up or something, I guess. I got ready and drove myself to work. Getting out of the car was challenging, after having stiffened up during the drive (about a half-hour). I walked toward the building feeling sore in every last muscle from my butt down. Interesting, but nothing too unusual. Soreness is a fact of life for me now, even when I don't know exactly what I did to earn it. A few hours later, though, after going about my business at the office, I noticed my neck and shoulders got extremely tight and sore. My back hurts a little oddly too. It's like some package of misfortune has descended upon my upper body. What the heck? I try not to take too many as-needed meds if I can help it, but this seemed to warrant a muscle relaxant.

I'm still experiencing this high-level and sudden shoulder/neck stiffness and pain right now, and the legs are still sore when I walk. What happened? Was it something I did? More importantly, what's next??

I'm due for a vacation soon. Don has become wary of planning excursions with me lately, since he never knows if I'll be up to enjoying things with him, or if he'll end up having to try to enjoy something without me. I am convinced that if I am "on vacation" and not worrying about the usual stuff, my body will be more cooperative and let me have some fun without making me crash. I definitely won't be running marathons or anything crazy, but I think being pleasantly distracted helps keep stress levels down, which in turn, helps to keep my body processing working a little better than usual.

Cross your fingers for me!

The Mess of Stress

Stress is a mess. Okay, I just wanted to rhyme that, but it didn't make much sense. I should say it can make a mess of me.

There's a huge, whiz-bang project going on at work that is (hopefully) going to come to fruition this weekend. I work in IT and this is a new business application that our team has been working on for many, many months now. There's been lots of testing and fine-tuning, and I haven't been able to afford the luxury of a sick day in a few weeks. There is too much to get done and I don't want to be the one to delay this thing (again) so I am putting forth as much effort and bravery as I can muster.

Unfortunately, I'm paying the price on weekends and evenings, when Don wants to spend time with me, but gets a tired, achy, fibro-foggy bundle of blah instead. I spent some quality time with Don last Saturday, sipping delicious beers at our favorite watering hole. However, Sunday was pretty much breakfast together and then my collapsing onto the sofa with a feverish headache and feeling incredibly worn out. Don was nicely productive and did thousands of chores and things that needed doing. I had to make Sunday my sick day.

Well, enough boo-hooing about this, I guess. I try to remember, as I drag myself into the office each day, that I am glad I am employed and can actually still hold down a job in my condition. I know many fibromites are not working because they are essentially disabled, and in turn, broke. It's adding insult to injury that the sick also have to be poor because of the way our health system is structured right now. I have hope that someday, things will improve.

In the meantime, I am trying to get it all done and hope it's all worth it when the project is launched.

Delayed Pressure Urticaria (DPU)

A couple Saturdays ago, I attended a great party at some friends' place. I had a great time and met lots of great people, but my body had some major bitching about the experience. The bottoms of my feet are apparently averse to long periods of standing around - especially in cute, party shoes (even though they were made by Söfft®).

I have been dealing with tender soles since that point during the party when I decided my feet had had too much and I took the shoes off. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done by then, and my feet were in so much pain that standing or touching anything with the bottoms of my feet was unbelievably painful. I had to kind of grin and bear it for the sake of preserving whatever amiability I could muster for the party and other guests. "Regular" foot pain is pretty bad, but coupled with swollen, tender, hived soles, it gets pretty ridiculous! I don't know if I can explain the feeling enough to someone who doesn't deal with this.

My skin is apparently very sensitive to many things, including: chemicals, sun or heat, cold, and various kinds of touch. I'd been officially diagnosed with dermatographia, which means that my skin hives up just from a scratch. (Paper cuts really itch a lot, sometimes before I realize I've gotten the cut.) This was long before the Fibromyalgia started.

Since the FMS diagnosis, however, I've noticed that kneeling in the garden to plant my native plugs caused me to have red, tender knees even a day or two after the hour or less of kneeling occurred. It looks really stupid as red ovals on the areas of pressure (I wouldn't wear a skirt or shorts in public if I can help it), but if they are touched, the areas are very tender and painful. Kneeling after the hive wheals have appeared is not possible without intense pain.

I've now learned that this is yet another category of urticaria/hives of which I have to be aware. Any part of my body that bears weight for a few minutes can break out in a thick hivey patch that can last for days, especially if not allowed to rest. This is called "Delayed Pressure Urticaria" or DPU. It's delayed because the damage is not apparent immediately upon the first touch - it takes time in order for the reaction to occur.

The delay is the especially tricky part of this condition. Unlike touching a hot pan, the painful feedback is not immediate, therefore the damage occurs for some time before the patient is reminded that there may be something happening. Minutes or even hours may go by, depending on the body part and amount of pressure being applied, before even noticing pain, which seems to take much longer to relieve than to acquire. By then, it's much too late to stop the process.

So here I am, almost two weeks after the triggering DPU incident, still suffering with tender feet, even before standing up from bed in the morning. No matter what shoes I wear to work, my feet are just not liking them. Any walking seems to cause an increase in symptoms, preventing my speedy recovery. All I can do now is try to rest as much as possible between necessary standing, walking, shoe-wearing, etc. to try to ease back into the normal, everyday level of chronic pain in my feet. (Isn't it great to have to wish for normal chronic pain levels? I'll take what I can get.)

Do you have DPU? Is there anything you do that helps? Please comment on this post and let me know!