Friday, November 20, 2009

Stress and Bad Habits

I've been noticing some icky trends in myself lately.  I've been picking at my fingers like mad, lately.  I am trying to quit, but I'm worse than ever these days!  I am hoping that announcing this the public will help me to quit this terrible habit.  I also just found a website that addresses this problem.

I've also been having cravings and overeating, or at least I think I am - so then I try to balance things out by skipping meals if I can stand it (not very often).  I've got this insane addiction to natural peanut butter that has had me reaching for the jar every morning after breakfast.  (Luckily, we ran out!) A few days ago, I grabbed a bag of chips and really had at it.  I was not hungry, but I craved the salt and was unstoppable!

My fibrofog has been worse than usual this week.  I noticed more than a few times when I had to eat crow for bonehead oversights at work and have had a particularly difficult time staying focused on the more involved discussions.  Working in IT, there are plenty of abstract ideas that require careful following along in order to be of any use to the project.  Too often I have found myself just "la la la"-ing through the hard parts, only to have to ask for concepts to be reviewed.  I don't feel too badly, though, because my asking for "a clean run-through" of a concept helps the other participants to understand the plan and their roles.  I just wish I didn't HAVE to ask because I missed something important.

As you may have guessed by now, I've also been yearning for some down time.  I have been stressed at work and wish I had more sick/vacation time (I'm all out for the year).  I feel like a day at home, alone, being quiet and still, would be helpful in recalibrating my system.  I already have plans for tomorrow, but I am hoping maybe this Sunday I can finally relax at home a bit and find a couple more spoons.

I don't like the feeling of not being in control of what I'm doing.  I think general stress is pulling me in too many directions at once.  Does this happen to you, fellow fibromites?  Can I blame Fibromyalgia or my drugs, or is this just some ugly side of myself that I have to admit to?  How do you get through these episodes?

I will not give up fighting these unhealthy habits, but I do seem to be weak lately.