How I Spent My Sabbatical

As you may be aware, I have been given a very gracious gift by my employer: a three-week sabbatical. After seven years of continuous employment, employees of my company are given three weeks of time off that must be taken all at once. These three weeks are in addition to the usual time off allowed for the year.

I chose to take my sabbatical during July, to maximize my freedom with outdoor time. Sadly, my time off is almost up and I will return to work again on Monday. As I wax nostalgic about the past three weeks, here is a list of some of the positive things I did during that time.

1. I went through Chapter 16 of my FMS/CMP survival manual book and created my WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan).
2. I had my refrigerator repaired.
3. I slept late whenever possible.
4. I spent a lot of time in my native yard, observing all kinds of wonderful wildlife, like butterflies, hummingbirds, and woodpeckers.
5. I stretched and took walks around the neighborhood almost every day. I frequently stretched outside in the yard, getting my sunshine and enjoying the wildlife at the same time.
   
6. I walked to the library and checked out a couple of books.
7. I enjoyed homemade salads and fresh summer fruits. I frequently enjoyed them outside, while watching nature.
8. I wrote in my journal.
9. I ordered some gifts for myself and others, including stationery made from elephant poop (really), and a mbira (thumb piano). I spent plenty of time playing with the mbira (I learned 10 simple songs already) and my old harmonica, too.
10. I took a brief ride on my bike. (The brakes need to be adjusted.)
11. I created things online for my Zazzle store.
12. I took a few epsom salt baths.
13. I watched The Red Balloon.
    
14. I visited a local pub for lunch and a drink, then bought myself an ice cream cone.
15. I joined a new meetup group and met some interesting folks.
16. I did two pub crawls in different towns with my husband.
17. I got a massage.
18. I listened to classical music while reading in my recliner, while sipping coffee, tea, or water.
    
19. I baked banana bread from scratch.

I am sad that my "summer vacation" is almost over, but I'm very grateful that I had the chance to take it easy and forget about work for a while, all while enjoying great summer weather and the peak of growing season.

"Do you want to BE your disease?"

My husband asked me this question recently. It's because I'm so forthcoming about my condition with everyone, even people I just met - or never met yet (online pals). It's a question that made me stop and think. Am I doing the right thing? Is this information going to alienate my new friends, or cause them to judge me in a negative manner?

I just like to share everything, so people don't guess or wonder about me. I realized that I am secretly hoping to preemptively give people the information that would explain any strangeness about me that I expect them to encounter, eventually. With an invisible disease like Fibromyalgia, I don't want people to think I'm fine because I don't look or act "sick" during their initial interactions with me - I may not be up to the next outing or whatever, and want to be upfront about that. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like those phony "let's get together sometime" un-vitations. We all know someone who confirms attendance at an event or party and then doesn't show. I HATE that. I am the kind of person who means what she says, and I don't want any false expectations. I figure that it's only fair to others if I let them know what's going on with me right away.

My husband's got his own invisible disease - Crohn's - so I can certainly value his perspective on this. Perhaps he doesn't like to disclose his health problems to everyone he meets because of the embarrassing nature of the worst symptoms. Although I don't mind discussing my IBS at the dinner table, I can certainly understand not wanting to tell every stranger you meet that you sometimes have to make absolutely sure that a toilet is nearby. That's not a "nice" first impression. (And yes, I also notice that others aren't so happy to discuss my IBS, either - dinner table or not. Wimps! Heh.)

His symptoms also wax and wane, like mine do, so he also appears to "not look sick" to others when he's able to be social. However he's had his diagnosis for a lot longer than I've had mine, so he knows his triggers and cycles better than I know mine. (Color me jealous.)

I think there may also be a gender component to the differing ways we view this topic. As a male, I believe he doesn't like to introduce himself to the world as a sickly person, with vulnerabilities. It's just not masculine. As a female, I don't worry too much about appearing sickly, I guess, because I don't really believe that I need to appear so strong. I do have some self-respect, don't get me wrong, but I know that society doesn't expect me to be Hercules because I'm a chick. That means that I don't really see the big deal in letting everyone know that, well, I'm not Hercules - not by a long shot. Guys - yeah, I guess they might not care to remove the doubt so early on. I can understand that.

So, do I want to BE my disease? No, of course not. I don't want to celebrate it or love it. But I do like to be clear with people. I may seem okay today, but I'm in pain all the time, even when I'm smiling. It takes a lot of effort to make lemonade out of these lemons, but I'm doing it, for my own sake. I want people to know I'm making an effort to choose to interact with them. I am tired. I'm uncomfortable. And I'm in pain. Perhaps I could be napping right now, or resting up, or making progress on some important project or chores, but I'm writing this post today because I care about you, my dear readers.

I have Fibromyalgia. I'm also a person with varied interests. I'm hoping you will not judge me too harshly for telling you the truth about me, whether it's nice or not. I just know I'm not going to hide it like some skeleton in my closet. It's not my fault that I have this challenge - it just is. This is part of who I am.

Some Quiet Time

Here again I lie in bed
While countless thoughts race through my head.
Dare I look to check the time?
Of course I do - 1:39.

Spouse and I retired by ten,
As always, I took my Ambien,
Yet he's the one who's sound asleep,
While I avoid making a peep.

I notice silence; no birds are singing,
Though, of course, my ears are ringing.
I'm also hungry at this odd hour.
Should I have a snack, or rely on will power?

Maybe if I close my eyes
Husband's snores will hypnotize.
I try it for a little bit,
But my thoughts return to... a biscuit.

No! I must not give up hope!
It's just some quiet time. I'll cope.
I turn over, snuggle in,
Take a breath, and even grin.

Yes, I will be dreaming soon,
Not thinking thoughts about the moon,
Or wondering how my level of pain
Will soar tomorrow, thanks to my brain.

Not reprioritizing stuff
Because I won't be up to snuff.
No, I won't worry 'bout tomorrow,
Whether there'll be "spoons" to borrow.

I'll just return to dreaming bliss,
Perhaps I won't remember this.
I check the clock. Two hours have passed.
I can't believe it. That went fast!

But this is how it always goes.
Fibromyalgia's insomnia blows.
Perhaps, someday, they'll find a cure.
For now, I guess I must endure...

My New Mascot: Fibro Frog

(Sung to the theme for Spiderman)

Fibro Frog,
Fibro Frog,
Steals your thoughts from you
like a hog.
What's that word?
Never mind.
I can't even remember why
I spoke up...
Here comes the Fibro Frog!

A Typical Day for Benia

Once again, I have managed to be very late to work today. I am very lucky to work at an office where I can be flexible with my hours and adjust as needed. However, there are certain core hours during which we are all supposed to be in the office and I know how hard it can be to make up time if a deficit builds up. Fibromyalgia be damned!

In case anyone wonders why I am always coming into the office so late, please know that I typically eat lunch at my desk and work late to ensure I earn an honest week's pay. I will also expose some of the mysterious details of my frequent lateness here, in this blog.

As I have already outlined in an earlier post, I take a lot of medicine to try to control the many symptoms of Fibromyalgia. They don't relieve me completely, but they all do a little something for me. Among the drugs I take are two that help me sleep - one helps me to be asleep, the other helps me to get all the proper stages of sleep. Sleep is typically the first focus of treatments for fibromites, because studies have found that anyone with inadequate sleep has an increased sensitivity to pain. For fibromites like me, that means I feel worse, sleep worse, etc. It becomes a downward spiral of maddening symptoms. So, doctors encourage us to get as much sleep as we can get.

Getting back to my day, I take medications that help me sleep. I typically get to bed around 10pm on a worknight. Getting up at 6am or even 5am used to be fine for me before the FM, but now, it's unthinkable. Don lets me sleep until he leaves for work, which is usually closer to 7am or 8am. I am grateful that we have found this system, but here is the first reason for my tardiness.

Another typical symptom of Fibromyalgia is muscle stiffness that is especially bad in the mornings. I experience that morning stiffness just about every day. When I first wake up, my muscles are very tight and painful. Walking and moving around is challenging for me, and I need to be especially careful not to hurt my stiff muscles and cause a flare. As a result of this symptom, I am very slow to get to the bathroom, get to breakfast, shower, get dressed, etc. I probably need twice the amount of time it would take a normal person to do the same morning routine. I don't want to go slow, I have to.

Next, is the inevitable IBS episodes. I usually eat cereal with unsweetened soymilk for breakfast. When the IBS is especially bad, my belly starts to hurt right about the time I'm finishing up my cereal and I need to rush to the bathroom to violently dispose of the gas and, well, you know the rest - it's ugly. On other days, there is no urgent rush, but there is usually discomfort and pain, and a waiting game in the bathroom for some relief. There are some days when relief doesn't come, and the clock urges me to get going and all I can do is hope things will work themselves out later on. Today was one of those days. I am grateful that I am usually limited to having the more violent episodes of IBS only after meals. Back when this was still new to me, I hadn't established a pattern, and the unpredictableness was adding stress to my days. Knowing really is half the battle.

Still with me? I'm impressed!

Among the other symptoms I typically endure on any given day is a daily nausea. My doctor and I speculate that the muscle relaxer that I take might be responsible, or at least contributing to, this symptom. It's not usually the nagging kind of nausea that feels like vomiting might actually be a possibility, so I'm glad it's only a "fake nausea" that I can usually handle. I am noticing that I get this feeling of nausea around lunchtime most days. Luckily, I am able to eat and it helps ease the feeling a bit, but it returns after mealtime is over, unfortunately. (Of course, this makes it tempting for me to eat when I probably shouldn't. That's something I need to watch as my waistline expands.)

I also have been dealing with "fibrofog", as I mentioned in another post. This has been widely reported among other fibromites, and includes problems with concentration, being distracted, being unable to think, having difficulty finding the proper words, memory issues, and other cognitive problems. I discussed this with my doctor during my last visit, and he informed me that getting a proper quality (not quantity) of sleep is crucial to combatting this symptom. What fibrofog does to my daily experience, especially in the mornings, is slow me down in making sure I have taken all my meds, put all my clothes and accessories on (can't leave the house naked), taken my purse, keys, lunch, and anything else I need for the day with me. Today I needed to remember to take test results with me for my doctor's appointment later on. Forgetting things after I've already driven down the block has occurred, though I'm proud to say it has become less frequent.

There are many other things I may have to deal with on any given day, including:

• headaches
• vision problems
• pains of all types, styles, and severities, in all areas of the body
• fatigue, low energy (read the famous Spoon Theory)
  
• skin sensitivities (itching, hives, etc.)
• annoying tingling sensations in any areas of the body
• dizziness with or without vertigo
• sensitivities to: sounds, lights, visual patterns (like half-closed blinds, small checkers), smells and chemicals, and/or drugs

By the time I get through the morning dose of medicines, breakfast, vitamins, IBS, stretching and exercises if I'm lucky, showering, getting dressed and made up, and preparing lunch and whatever else I need for the day, I am typically out the door anywhere between 8am and 9:15am, with frequent exceptions (like today). Today, I left home at 10am, and I hated it. I have a doctor's appointment today at 5pm, so I cannot make up the time I missed today. Luckily, work is not as frantic today as it was yesterday.

So that's a typical morning for me. I'm sorry if you suffered an inconvenience from my tardiness. I hate to be late, but because of the fibrobeast, I must do whatever I can to save myself first, before I can think of helping you. I hope you understand. Thank you for reading.

"Bunny" and the Doctor Visit

I decided I'm going to call my homemade rice-sock "Bunny". It's gray, fuzzy, and cuddly, just like the baby bunnies running around in my yard lately. Isn't she cute? :)

I am finally feeling better after that last icky flare of mine. I am wondering what it was that triggered the pain in my neck that spread its ugly tentacles into my back and limbs. Perhaps I overstretched that side. I know I have had a history of stretching more than I should. I'm told the stretch shouldn't hurt, but it's hard to know how much of a stretch is sufficient if I'm already in pain before I begin. I can believe that I may have stretched more wherever it was painful, in an attempt to loosen up tight muscles there. Perhaps that is a mistake. I will have to keep that in mind during my future stretching routines.

Yesterday I visited my Fibro specialist - a kind neurologist who is working with me to try to reach my pain-fighting goals. I told him of my recent struggles with vocabulary and other fibrofog issues. He asked if I was sleeping okay. I rely on my Zolpidem (aka Ambien) to help keep me asleep throughout the night, and have not noticed any changes in sleep habits lately. He reminded me that the Zolpidem may keep me "asleep", but it doesn't help me reach those deep stages of sleep of which Fibromyalgia robs me.

The Doxepin I am now taking is supposed to help me get better quality sleep - those deep stages of sleep that I can't otherwise get with Fibromyalgia. Since I am on a low dose right now, he is having me double my nightly dose of Doxepin to help me get better sleep and see if it helps with the fibrofog. I have started taking 2 capsules at bedtime last night. It's probably too early to tell, but I am feeling pretty coherent at the moment, despite being awakened several times by my husband's (loud) pager. (He's on call for work this week.) Poor Don had to work on IT issues for work since about 4am today. He is more tired than I am today.

I had to put the daily workouts on hold during the recent flare-up. I think I need to be even slower in progressing than I have done, just to make sure I don't cause another flare. The doctor suggested a yoga class if I am able to do it. I think that might be something to think about when I am able to figure out my stretching limitations and work my way up in stretch/workout time a bit. He agreed that it's extremely important to take small steps toward increasing my activity levels to avoid flare-ups.

Armed with the medication and knowledge I have, I'm hopeful that I'm going to have more good days ahead.

Mack Truck Collides in Fibrofog

Today I woke up with such a stiff and painful neck that I couldn't even imagine moving, as I told my husband Don this morning as he kissed me good-by and headed off to work. It even hurt to lay still, but somewhat less than when I moved or even tried to move. I remember I turned my head about half a degree to the right to see him from the bed while he was talking to me, and it was some of the "loudest" pain I've ever known - screaming! Despite being all out of sick days for the year, I notified my boss that I needed to stay home and repair myself. That means rest and extra meds today. Extra meds likely means more fibrofog, too, and I'd already been having a bad bout of that.

Writing of fibrofog... I heard myself turning into an apparent idiot yesterday, while the damned fibro-monster stole my vocabulary from me as I watched in utter horror. Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic, but it was definitely noticeable and I sure didn't like it.

I was in a meeting at work yesterday. It was my meeting; I was there to gather requirements for a new project. My current boss and another manager at the company (my old boss) were the two other attendees in this meeting. The pauses I was taking to find the words to express myself were embarrassingly long, especially in comparison with the cadence of the conversation that was going on between the other two people in the room. I started to say something, then I just watched their eyes as they both waited with anticipation of what I might finally say. And I couldn't wait to find out what I'd say, either. What I settled for, eventually, was somewhat acceptable, but not optimal. I continued through the meeting, aware of this handicap, as best as I could and got the information I needed, fumbling along with lesser words and phrases than I intended to use. It's like my language skills are just limping along, crippled and deformed. If I had waited until I'd found the words I really wanted to use, it would take too long and I would lose my turn to speak. It's so frustrating, especially during situations like this, when my income is on the line.

Later that evening, I went out to get some tacos for dinner with Don at our favorite local taco place for "Taco Tuesday". I usually do the ordering when we go, so this experience was nothing new for me. Thanks to the fibrofog, though, I felt like I was going through the usual motions, but needed more time to think about what I was doing and saying to make sure it was correct. The poor kid taking my order must've wondered if I was retarded or something. I sure felt like it. Actually, I take that back. I have heard retarded people speak and they seem to do just fine. I don't know how to compare myself when I'm so foggy. "Der... um.. I'd like....two....tacos....." Ugh! What have I become?

While we ate our delicious tacos, I mentioned my recent struggles with language to Don. I seem mostly fine when I converse with him. There are times when I need to pause or whatever, but the casual conversation probably helps make it less noticeable. He asked me (a kind of "oh no" asking) if FM affects my brain, too. I explained, briefly, that yes, unfortunately, FM affects the central nervous system, which affects EVERYTHING, including my brain. It's a bitch of a disease. I forget that he isn't as in tune with all the subtleties of FM as I am. I am constantly reading up about research and other people's experiences with this condition - mostly to help me understand and cope with it all. I know how complex and all-encompassing it is. Fibromyalgia really is a life-changing condition, despite any outward appearances of "normalcy" among its victims.

At any rate, I am here at home, trying to relax, but letting all the nagging responsibilities of everyday life interrupt my sanctity. I am sweating a lot now, so I replaced my hot tea for a cold beer - a delicious Goose Island India Pale Ale. I figure I'd enjoy the flavor as well as the pain-masking benefits of the beverage at the same time. Maybe it will help me relax, too.

Nauseating Neck Pain, Back Pain, IBS, Vision Problems, and Fatigue... or... Just Another Day with Fibro

The title about says it all, but I'll elaborate a bit.

I was doing pretty well after a moderately active weekend. My back has been sore from all the bending I'd done while working in my native garden Sunday, but it was worth it. I enjoyed the great weather and all the sites and sounds of our wonderful yard. We watched a baby bunny nibble on the grasses in our flagstone path and saw and heard many, many birds. I love Native Suburbia!

Well, today, I was awakened by the house wren that lives in our neighbor's birdhouse. The birdhouse hangs near our fence, and he and his mate are always chirping away on the fence or in our trees for all the world to hear. I love him!

Anyway, I went about my usual morning routine. I ate breakfast, took my vitamins, did my morning stretches, dealt with a brief episode of IBS, then I took my shower. As I was toweling off, the back and left side of my neck started a stabbing pain. This is a trouble spot for me, and I remember a previous start to pain in this area started after a morning shower, too. Perhaps I'm moving in an odd way to dry off? At any rate, it's the kind of pain that makes me instantly feel a bit nauseous. I drove to work with my warmed rice-sock on my shoulder and popped a Tramadol when I (finally) got to work today. (I ended up having to reschedule a morning meeting that I couldn't make, thanks to my symptoms slowing me down.)

Meanwhile, I've been having problems with my vision again. I remember having constant problems with my visual acuity immediately after I was rear-ended. I went to the optometrist and he scratched his head as he reported that my prescription had changed drastically - by +1.00 in both eyes, although my previously perfect reading vision suddenly sucked. (I wear contact lenses.) This is unheard of. Whose distance vision improves? And so suddenly? And I'm not ready for "reading glasses".

After doing some reading, I chalked it up to new muscle tension around my eyes, possibly squeezing my eyeballs enough to make a difference in the shape, and thus, my vision. It's a theory and I haven't read anything that confirms that this could actually happen, but I'm going with it. The doctor had nothing better to offer as an explanation. If you have any experience or knowledge about this, please feel free to comment.

Well, lately, I'm experiencing the same kind of problems with focusing as then. I'm having trouble reading the computer screen clearly, signs, etc. I can do it after a few seconds, but it seems to take conscious effort, and it still doesn't seem to be quite right. I don't know how to explain it, but there seems to be an uncomfortableness in what I look at. I believe the massages, muscle relaxants, and stretches are helping to relax my muscles and myofascial trigger points. Could it be possible that the muscles around my eyes are also relaxing and perhaps adjusting the shape of my eyes again? I hope not. I just bought another year's supply of contact lenses. :P

The last time I brought my rice-sock buddy to work with me, I felt a bit better toward the end of the day. I am hoping I will at least make some progress on my neck, if nothing else. Hopefully tomorrow morning I'll be able to hop on the elliptical or do some more walking for my little workouts. I don't want to be a quitter!

Getting Back on the Hamster Wheel

Ah, yes, regular exercise... it's not a cure, but it is supposed to help lessen at least some of the many symptoms of Fibromyalgia. I've read it. I've heard my doctor say it. I also know it's just good to move around a bit, generally speaking. It warms and loosens up the tight muscles and helps keep the blood flowing so all those chemical processes have a chance to work (as best as they can).

With my recent fibroflares, the flu, fatigue, fibrofog, and whatever other "F words" have been affecting me lately, it's been difficult to even imagine voluntarily moving around, especially without at least getting some household chore done at the same time. I just couldn't commit. Well, now my pants are getting tight.

This can't go on; it's time for action! The daily stretching routine and sporadic walks around the block or so are fine and dandy, but I need to make sure I get regular exercise every day. I know that if I don't use my muscles, I'll lose them to atrophy, which causes that vicious circle of FM symptoms and inactivity.

My doctor advised me to use the following guideline for adding activity to my day.

stretch time = exercise time

As I briefly mentioned in an earlier post, I've been doing a daily, gentle stretching routine each morning that takes me about 5 minutes to complete. It covers most major muscle areas, starting from the neck, all the way down to my ankles. I also add new stretches that I like now and then.

Yesterday my "just one thing" was making sure I started doing exercises again. My last flare has finally subsided enough to allow for some very minor activity. To start out, my exercise routine time matches my stretching time at 5 minutes.

Yeah, I know all you "normals" out there are probably scoffing at all this hullaballoo over 5 minutes of activity. I can just hear you going "What? Five minutes?? Pshhh....". That's okay. I used to not know about people like me until I became one. Well, so you know, I'm not normal anymore (was I ever?) and now, for me, doing exercise is a big deal. I know my fellow fibromites understand.

Besides, I'm embarking on a personal goal and announcing it to the world. What a commitment! Aren't you impressed? ☺ I am using you all as additional inspiration to continue, even when I'm tempted to quit. And so far, so good. I did 5 minutes of walking around the first floor of my house yesterday morning, and today I did about 6 minutes on my elliptical machine, with some stretching before and afterwards. So, I'm proud of myself.

Tomorrow morning, I will attempt 7 minutes of stretching and 7 minutes of activity.Keep me going, guys! Don't let me give up.

Just One Thing

One thing I've learned about pacing my activities is that you can compromise between the feeling of complete procrastination and doing it all (and suffering from a flare). I have named my compromise "Just One Thing".

For me, knowing I have a long task list is stressful, and we fibromites know that stress is a big contributor to our symptoms. Without going overboard to do everything at once, I can settle for doing "just one thing" instead.

For example:
I walk into our messy kitchen after a full day's work, frown and sigh at the time and effort I imagine it will take me to get it all cleaned up. After the initial shock and disappointment of it all, I remember my philosophy and pick one thing that I can do right at that moment to help reduce the overall load of the bigger project. For instance, I can empty out the dishwasher and put away the clean dishes. After the dishwasher is empty, I may be tempted to go ahead and do another thing, like loading the dishwasher with the dirties. Depending on how I feel, I may or may not, but the pressure is off. I will first consider the effort I've just spent and whether or not I should take a break to prevent a flare. The dirty dishes will wait until later or tomorrow if they must. Then, when I can, I do "just one thing" again and make a little more progress.

If you tend to get overwhelmed by the chores and tasks ahead of you, pick one thing to do today. It takes the pressure off and grants you that peace of mind that finishing any task can give.

The Other Shoe Fell

I woke up yesterday, still feeling pretty great, although I had a very crappy night's sleep and kept waking up from frustrating and stressful dreams all night. I couldn't fall asleep again after 4:30am, so I got up pretty early and decided to go ahead and start the day around 5am.

Everything was fine until some time between my shower and getting dressed that morning. I realized that the left side of my neck and shoulder were in substantial pain, and my neck movements were severly limited as well. The pain reached through my entire left side, left shoulder blade, and even managed to get through my hips and into my leg and foot at times. I tried to do some minor stretching, as I normally do each morning, but I decided it hurt too much and couldn't be good to force it. I pressed on, popped a tramadol pill, and went to work, spending all day yesterday in this pain. I also brought along my rice sock for localized heat. I got some odd comments about it now and then, but I expected that. I guess it does look a little odd to be wearing a fat sock over my shoulder at work.

The most surprising part of my experience yesterday was that I noticed that I managed to make it through the day still smiling and positive. Usually, when I'm in a lot of pain, I'm very grouchy. I'm pretty proud of myself for managing not to fall into that funk. At a fellow fibromite's suggestion, I went home and took a hot epsom salt bath, hoping it would help loosen up my tight muscles and ease the pain a bit. A little beer (a "drinky-poo" as my

Today, however, is a bit more challenging than yesterday. I a lot slept better last night, but woke up with those same pains, plus a headache, and plus feeling super stiff all over. I'm also nauseous right now, as I have been most days lately. I really did not want to get out of bed today. I am out of sick days for the year, however, and besides that, today is a busy day at work, due to a software release. There is lots of testing to do and as the Senior Business Analyst on the team, I need to be vigilant, in case anything arises that should prevent us from going ahead with the release. I am also out tomorrow for a chest/abdominal/pelvic CT scan (with contrast - uck!) that is going to make me feel even worse than today. I popped a tramadol again this morning, and here I am again, working (well, blogging, at the moment,) with my warm sock buddy attempting to sooth my nauseatingly painful shoulder/neck.

I am looking forward to my bi-weekly massage after work today. I'll have to let Carrie know that I'm feeling fragile - almost brittle - today, and to go easy on me this time.

Big Weekend

I just said "good-bye" to my husband's parents and sister and her boyfriend after a long, four-day weekend visit with us. My husband, Don, was great and handled most of the hosting responsibilities, including pretty much all of the cooking and planning. (Thanks Don!)

Yesterday, we took the train out to downtown Chicago and spent the whole day wandering around Millennium Park and the city streets, taking pictures, drinking, eating, and having a good time. We even went out to karaoke at a bar near my home after the train ride back. We all drank and sang and stayed out until 2am last night!

I knew a whole day of walking was going to be hard for me, but I committed and looked forward to the event. It went surprisingly well, although I am still waiting for the proverbial other shoe to fall. I am only dealing with minor aches and some fatigue today, but I never would have guessed that I'd be functioning after yesterday's full agenda. I thought I'd at least be dealing with a hangover, but I must have kept myself properly hydrated, because I am luckily not hungover at all.

I am still a bit skittish over a probable delayed reaction to all the activities, but I just decided that I'm going to enjoy myself for the moment and not worry about a flare until it actually happens.

Wee, but Hopeful

My husband and are native gardeners. We joined this environmental cause almost serendipitously: to avoid the mowing maintenance of caring for the bland lawn.

At any rate, our entire yard, front and back, is a garden with hundreds of plant species, all native to the area. We enjoy taking photos for our website and for our own personal enjoyment.

The other day, I wandered around with the macro lens on the camera and found a dozen or so tiny snails living in and around our rain garden/pond. I was thrilled! I snapped a few shots with my unsteady hands. After sifting through all the stinkers, this is the one I am calling a keeper.

This tiny little snail is perched on the leaf of a blue flag iris (Iris virginica), facing the sky. Although he was only about a half-inch long, he was probably a foot above the water level. He may be small, but he is unstoppable! I want to be him. The snail will serve as my inspiration throughout my lifelong battle with Fibromyalgia. Hm, I should name him... or her. Since the snail is going to represent me, I'll assume it's a female. Her name shall be...Samantha. Samantha the snail, show me the way!

Current Fibromyalgia Treatments

As another base post for my blog, I thought I'd let all my fibro friends know what I'm currently doing and taking to treat my Fibromyalgia symptoms.

Drugs:

• Pristiq (aka desvenlafaxine; SNRI antidepressant) - 50 mg taken every morning
• Doxepin (tricyclic antidepressant) -25 mg taken every night
• Skelaxin (muscle relaxant) - 800 mg taken every morning and every night
• Zolpidem (aka Ambien; sleep aid) - 5 mg taken every night
• Tramadol (aka Ultram; pain reliever) - 50 mg as needed (I don't take this often)
• Naproxen (aka Aleve; pain reliever) - up to 500 mg as needed for migraines

Other treatments:

• Vitamins (multi, Calcium, C, B-complex) and a BioBeads, a probiotic (for IBS)
• Daily gentle stretches using the Pressure Pointer Manual as a guide
• Bi-weekly massages at Massage Envy for back, neck, shoulders
• Heating pad on my back whenever I'm on the couch
• Warmed up (microwaved) sock filled with rice for neck, shoulder, or low back pain, especially at bedtime
• Journaling (no rules in the journal - I'm free to express everything there)
• Supporting other fibromites online in various support groups or wherever (it helps me to help others, as I don't feel so useless)
• Walks around the block or in my garden, taking photos, taking time to dawdle, etc.

I have tried quite a few other meds and therapies since being diagnosed, including Lyrica, which dried me out and Cymbalta, which made me so nauseated I couldn't work. I even went on the controversial yeast-free diet for three months with Nystatin powder three times a day. I lost weight on that diet, but it was stressful and actually seemed to aggravate my symptoms. I have since gained back most of the weight lost on the diet anyway. I do eat mostly healthy, with some indulgences for beers and desserts now and then, but without the activity level to even out the net calorie intake, of course I am having difficulty maintaining a skinny figure.

Hi, I'm Benia

"Nice place you got here" was the first thing I said to my now-husband when I met him in person at his house. Then I moved in and we got married. I met him online and we'd communicated via e-mails and chatting before I finally decided I should meet the boy. I kind of did the same thing with blogging sites. I'm now officially moving in. :)

I thought I'd use my very first post to introduce myself to my readers. One of my faults is being too detailed, so it's a challenge to sum up my life in a short post. I'm a bit on the pedantic side, so if you catch me using "it's" when I should be using "its" (which I caught myself doing twice in the past couple days), feel free to let 'er rip and let me know about it.

I was born and raised in Chicagoland by Polish immigrants. I'm the third of three daughters, and the black sheep as well. Much to my family's chagrin, I converted from Catholocism to Atheism in adulthood. I'm also happily child-free.

The old Benia died on 9/25/2006 when I was rear-ended at a stoplight. The whiplash/concussion I sustained then triggered the Fibromyalgia with which I suffer today. If you're unfamiliar with this condition, it's difficult to understand, even for doctors, but I've done a significant amount of reading and can conclude the following about it. It is not fatal, but it is a chronic, life-altering pain condition that has its roots in a central nervous system disorder - thereby affecting all systems in the body. It's a bit of a bitch to get used to, frankly, and I'm working hard on trying to live with this beast and still have something of a positive attitude in life. My future posts will uncover whether or not I'm able to do that.

Stay tuned and thanks for visiting.