Monday, March 29, 2010

Feeling Barfy

I don't know if I have enough to say to justify this post, but I have been sliding back into a terrible flare up for the past week now.  There is a pain that started in my upper, left back, near my shoulder, about a week ago.  It felt like a really bad trigger point knot, so I worked it by leaning against the smooth, rounded corner of our fridge, trying to loosen it up.  I may have done either too good a job or not good enough, because the pain has changed and spread to the entire vertical back on the left side, and around to the left side, under my arm, especially when I breathe.  The pain is like a soreness (which makes sense from the pressure I put into it) and a sharper, knife-like stabbing pain that prevents me from taking full breaths because the pain increases as I breathe in.  I believe all this pain (along with my meds and supplements) may be what has been causing me to feel nauseous much of the time, which is not fun, either. 

I'm getting crankier by the minute and I don't know if I should just let it happen (the bad mood) or resist and play nice, so I don't cause more relationship problems with people.  I have remained as calm as possible for the past week, even managing to enjoy some distractions here and there.  Yesterday, however, while other issues pressed on and added to the stress pile, I let a few tears go.  I hate the crying.  It feels like a weakness, though I know it's part of the human limitation to have to cry at terrible crap once in a while.  When I cry, what little sense I have left is out the window.  I can try to talk myself out of it, but it doesn't go well.  Don tries to help me cross that river of despair, too, but it is infinitely more difficult to understand and deal with under the duress than afterward, when my logic starts to come back to me.

Fibromites, how do you handle the more devastatingly painful times when the last straw finally breaks the camel's back and you feel the tears of pain well up in your eyes.  Do you have any tips or tricks that have helped you?  I've been looking at my little caterpillar magnet and remembering and knowing that I will have better days, but this pain is really testing me.