Just when I think I'm getting the hang of this brain zap and sweating thing, I am finding that my body is not done finding new, weird things to do to me during this medication change.
I have been having abdominal pains here and there, but today, they have escalated into full-blown diarrhea. (Some of last night's dinner looked familiar.) What the hell? I didn't know this was part of the program! Is this the next thing I'm going to have to live with for a while or what? Boo to that!
After being unable to deal with the idea of working for two days, I decided I'd try to work from home today. I figured since I was able to handle the brain zapping pretty well while doing various personal stuff on the computer, I noticed I could keep my eyes and body relatively still, minimizing the effect. It's still pretty crazy once I get up and move around, especially on the stairs, but I go slowly and hang on wherever I go. Thank goodness my shower has a bar to hold onto or I'd have fallen for sure!
The workday at home has been okay so far. I've managed to jump back into the projects and get some urgent things taken care of. (I work in IT and this happens to be a release week, so deadlines are tight. Figures, right?) Anyway, I feel better about catching up a bit, and not having to go completely broke by taking even more time off work. A day's work really adds up to a lot of money that I miss when I have to take unpaid time to be sick. It's better than being fired, though, so I count my blessings and I'm happy to have employment and benefits.
Anyway, back to the update on this drug transition...
I noticed a little bit yesterday, and a bit more today, that I am a lot closer to being on the verge of tears. I've been pretty good about not crying much since being on the meds and understanding Fibromyalgia and how it goes over the past several years. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found myself feeling like I was about to cry and actually let out some tears while watching television today at lunchtime. It doesn't seem to take much at all right now. Someone talking about something sad, an emotional moment, even stupid commercials are all making that feeling of tears welling up happen to me. It's dumb! I don't care about these actors pretending to be sweet or sad to sell me products! This is ridiculous!! I hate this feeling. I've already fought off tears about 5 times today, just from dumb stuff on tv. It's got to be part of this withdrawal stuff or else I'm really confused about myself.
I noticed I was kind of snippier and angrier yesterday or a couple days ago, but that seems to be changing into some kind of sappiness. Geez, chemicals, figure it out already. I'm not in the mood to rediscover who I am or go on some emotional roller coaster... for nothing. Bleh. I just want to shake it off.
Oh, the sweating and my intolerance of cold or any slight breeze seems to be subsiding a bit today. I noticed I was actually uncomfortable in the hot office at home here today and, to my surprise, I turned the ceiling fan - and liked it. It's been on all day and I'm mostly okay with it. I'm still sweating because I don't want the air conditioner on yet, but I'm glad I can handle at least a hot breeze now. Perhaps later or tomorrow I'll be able to actually be cooler without bundling up in a thousand layers of blankets. Dare to dream...
Oh, by the way, I took my first medium dose of Savella this morning, so perhaps that has something to do with the noticeable changes of today vs. yesterday. The titration pack starts on a low dose, works up to a medium dose, then finally, by the next week, the full dose that I'm supposed to stay on indefinitely. I'm hoping I'll be in the clear about this time next week, after a couple days on the highest dose. Until then, I'll just have to keep adapting to the surprises. I guess I can thank Fibro for the training on that one. ;)
P.S. I finally got through to my prescribing doctor's office yesterday afternoon and left a message for the doctor about maybe getting some sort of guidance for this transition (since he implied this should have gone a lot more smoothly than it has been). It's been almost 24 hours now and I haven't heard a peep back from anyone. Nothing. Not a "he got your message and will let you know what he finds out" or a "he will give you a call tonight" or even a "go to hell, you're crazy". For all I know, the girl who took the message never even gave it to him. I'm not going to hold my breath about this, since he seemed not to be informed about any of this in the first place. It's a shame that so many patients have to go through much worse than this without help from doctors or anyone, because it's covered up. How rude, drug companies! Even if it's physically addicting and a bitch to get off of, let us know the deal and we'll decide if it's worth it or not. Then help us out when we have to go through this. People are trying to quit these kinds of drugs and are in utter agony. It's so wrong. If the drug company wants to make more of my money, I would suggest being open about all of this and researching the best methods for getting off when it becomes necessary for whatever reason. Don't just pretend it's not happening. That is not cool!
Uh-oh, there's my snippiness again. Sorry about that. This issue really irritates me. People disappoint me time and time again. I just don't see how they can go on continuing to be assholes. If I had the power they had, I'd use it for good, not evil.
That's enough for today. I'll check back here tomorrow.